I Hope Things Pick Up

“I hope things pick up.  It’d be a shame for you to have to get a real job.”As I heard these words come out of the mouth of a woman I had regarded as a friend for over ten years, I felt my heart collapse.  Another word spoken, another relationship broken.  I had heard so many discounting things from her so many times before. I’d tried to ignore them, thinking that surely she couldn’t mean those things.  Certainly she honored the journey I was on and the courage it was taking to move forward.  Didn’t she know how difficult it was for me to leave the work I’d been doing, to leave a situation that was unkind and unloving, to embrace work and a life that I adored?  Yes, it’s challenging and difficult sometimes.  So many people admire the strength and courage that I’ve shown.  So many people are championing me and cheering me on.  So many people pick me up every day with their support and loving kindness.As I spoke about this with another friend, she asked me to look into my heart when I thought of leaving my work and returning to work for someone else.  I did and my heart withered and died.  She knew it.  I knew it.  The challenges may be strong ones, but my strength and the power behind me is stronger still.  I have not been brought this far to be dropped by my Higher Power and shown all the love surrounding me to not expect that even more love lies ahead.  And yet, these were unloving words from someone I had thought of as a friend.  The night before I had this conversation I had been at a women’s gathering where we were talking about needing to leave people behind who don’t support us or who make us feel bad about ourselves when we’re around them.  It’s essential that we learn to “pick up” ourselves – sometimes to grow and sometimes to go.I learned that there are some people I need to leave behind.  There are some people I can’t share myself with, even if I’ve had a past with them and called them my friend. I’ve learned it’s my responsibility to let them go with love and blessings for the lessons they’ve taught me, for the gifts they’ve given me.  I’ve learned that some people need me to play small so that they can feel safe and secure in their own limited lives.  I’ve learned to let them go with the realization that I don’t need to repeat those lessons they were teaching me anymore.  I’ve learned to pick myself up by forgiving them and having compassion for them.  I’ve learned to pick myself up by forgiving myself and having compassion for myself, too.  I’ve learned to pick myself up with the right words and actions.  I’ve learned to pick myself up with endorsements, acknowledging my successes.  I’ve learned to pick myself up so I vibrate at a higher level and naturally attract, with grace and ease, experiences of a like vibration.I’ve learned that I can choose to surround myself with people who love and support me – people who see me and the vision I choose to have of the world.  I’ve learned that I can choose to have a circle of friends who absolutely adore me and the gifts I have to bring to the world.  I’ve learned that I can celebrate life and living every single day with these friends, opening more and more to the feelings of joy!I’ve learned that I deserve the very best in life.  I’ve learned to honor myself and to treat myself with respect and dignity.  I’ve learned that life is an amazing adventure.  I choose to leave this life knowing that I’ve danced every dance, sung every song, written every story, loved and been loved deeply, and that my heart is overflowing with the joys of this experience.  I choose to live my life without holding back.  I choose to live every day of my life knowing that I am truly blessed to be alive.