A Healthy Conversationalist

Conversation is an art. It isn’t just about stringing together a few words to form comprehensive sentences and then delivering those sentences in an interaction with another human being in order to make a point or get something done. It is more about involving the person or people you interact with in such an exchange of views that helps to create and/or continue pleasant social relations with them.

We all think that conversing is about “talking”. However, the opposite holds true. The best of conversationalists are great listeners first and many times they are not even exceptionally good at voicing their opinions. One who listens to others attentively is more able to draw out those with whom he/she interacts and is more likely to have a lot of friends because each of us has an innate desire to be heard and understood.

Seventy percent of being a good conversationalist is about being a good listener. For the remaining thirty percent, there are a few basic things one has to keep in mind while responding to others or initiating a discussion. The most important point to remember is that one should never make themselves the central point or topic of discussion. It is understandable that you are excited about the new dress that you just bought, or that you are going through the most ultimate crisis of all times but that does not mean that the group of friends with whom you are sharing snacks at the café wish to hear your never ending monologue over the course of the entire evening. It is best not to attempt to bring yourself into the spotlight. For the same reason, and to avoid coming off as an attention seeker, steer clear of cutting others off, or repeatedly speaking over another person as they speak.    

Give everyone a chance to talk and having heard what they said, give a focused response. For example, if someone was sharing their woes of being a first-time mom, do not just trundle off into an animated speech about your love and adoration for babies. Instead give your friend some comfort and if you happen to have any experience or understanding about rearing children share that with her in a way that doesn’t come off as patronizing. If you notice, this example highlights two important tips for being a healthy conversationalist. Firstly do not share unauthentic information. If you are not sure of something you are sharing, express your doubt and ask your friend(s) to research about it. Secondly, don’t preach or be patronizing. Just be supportive.

Additionally, a healthy conversationalist speaks in a concise manner. Speaking at length often causes others to feel bored especially because people who speak too much usually speak in a redundant and repetitive style which tends to get quite annoying.

Lastly one must be thoughtful in one’s speech as it is necessary to be mindful and considerate of other’s feelings. Follow the age old advice about saying positive things only, or else staying silent.

The ability to carry out healthy conversations is an acquired one that can be continuously improved upon by indulging in analyzing one’s own conversation skills. Conversation analysis has in fact become a science in itself