Softball Coaching Challenge: Break the Cycle of Mean

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Today I have a challenge for the young, up and coming coaches: be the one who breaks the cycle of mean. What does that mean? Many of us learn how to do things by following the example of others.  We learn many things by imitating our parents, older siblings, and others whom we perceive as being more knowledgeable than ourselves.

And when it comes to coaching, the people many of us learn from are the coaches we had when we were players.  Often times that's a good thing.  Coaches can be very influential in our lives, and if we had a good one what better way to model ourselves when we become coaches than on someone we admire? Unfortunately, that influence of coaches can also work the other way.  If we had a mean, nasty coach who always put players down, treated us unfairly and made our lives miserable it's very easy for us to pick up that behavior.  It becomes part of a cycle, passed down from coach to player, who then becomes a coach and passed the behavior down to his/her players. It doesn't have to be that way, though.  Think about how you feel with the coach who acts that way.  Did you enjoy playing for him/her?  Or did you just tolerate it because you wanted to play? Assuming you answered the latter (as most of us would), why would you then want to model that behavior to your players?  Because it's all you know?

Think instead about the coach you wish you had, and become that coach instead. If you're not sure how, ask around for a recommendation of who a good coach is and seek that person out as a mentor — someone you can observe, ask questions of and learn from generally. See how that coach interacts with his/her players.  See how he/she encourages them when they need it, and comes down on them when they need it without destroying their self-esteem. That mentor coach doesn't have to be the same gender, or even a fastpitch softball coach.  The most important principles of coaching are actually pretty universal. Breaking the cycle of mean doesn't mean you have to be a marshmallow. Many of the best and most-admired coaches can be plenty tough when necessary. But there's a way of being tough without being mean about it.

It's easy to think that the only way your players will respect you as a young or new coach is by showing how tough you are.  But the mental game experts have shown time and again that that type of behavior only gets you compliance. Put another way, if you are constantly beating on people, they'll do just enough to avoid another beating.  But they won't be giving you their very best, because if they do and you still come down on them they have nowhere to go.

As Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world.  Be bold enough to break the cycle of mean and treat your players with kindness and respect.  Your team will be better — and the world will be a little better place as well. Anyway, that's the way I see it. What's your next move, after having read this post?