Tears streamed down my face as I sat on the side of a raised flower bed in my garden, watching the blue Ford take my partner Nick’s planer and other carpenter tools away. Nick had died 2 months before; it was time to remove some of these remnants that I would not be using. I felt all alone, grieving as those first things were sold.
For the first 3 months after Nick’s death, my grief felt like a red hot brick sitting in the middle of my chest. I cried often and at the oddest places, like seeing Nick’s friend at a banquet where I was accepting a donation for the organization I represented. In most cases, when I felt sadness and tears, I expressed them. Heck, there was no way of holding them back!
After 5 months I felt a weight lifting off me. It felt like I had lifted a very heavy blanket or coat away. I had more energy and felt alive and happy. I started to pay attention to the details of winding down a business that Nick had run. I considered how to manage the acreage where we lived including an addition to our house that was only roughed in.
I pondered my future: What now? What was I going to do alone? What did I want? Was this a time to be celibate? I had been studying a yogi who considered celibacy as the best route for spiritual and personal growth. As I mulled it over, I realized that I wanted a relationship again.
One Saturday 5 months after Nick’s death, there was a notice pinned to the corkboard at a restaurant that my girlfriend and I favored, advertising a vision workshop. We decided to go.
There were 12 to14 of us, both men and women. We discussed setting up a vision for the things you want in your life and managing the fear that surrounds new beginnings (I had an image of transforming my fears from ferocious tigers to tame, meowing pussycats at my feet).
I considered what my beliefs were around relationships: I believed that men and women could have wonderful fulfilling lives in relationships; I believed I could be a good partner.
I felt I had something to give in a relationship, With Nick, I learned a lot about my anger and wanted a relationship where I could do it different, I had seen how it had affected Nick, who was frightened when I became angry. I had had times of great outbursts, and I could see how Nick, not being available emotionally, to discuss my needs had contributed to it. I decided not to feel guilty about how I had acted. I knew I had good communication skills but needed a partner who was willing to listen.
I have been a spiritual seeker all my life and felt that it would be difficult to find someone who had the same values and ideas. It had been difficult for Nick to accept them and that was uncomfortable for us. My future partner would need to have those interests.
So, I thought about my values, my wants and needs. I considered my life in all aspects: how I wanted my work life, my living space, and my relationships.
My vision included all these things, described in detail that delighted me. I continued by listing all the aspects I wanted in my future partner, without being too specific. For instance, I listed that I wanted a handsome, attractive partner, but did not specify that he had black hair, blue eyes, and six feet tall.
I wrote my first draft, then meditated about it and finished my vision. Three weeks later, I met the man of my dreams!
He is a perfect match for me and six years later, it continues to be wonderful. We live, love and laugh joyously. Life is fantastic.
And the amazing thing is: at the time I was writing a vision of my ideal life and partner, so was he! The Universe, in a magnificent gesture, brought us together through a mutual friend.
Vision writing is very powerful and is the first step in the process of transition. Its power lies in the creation of an image that attracts our desires to us. We energize our vision by enjoying its images as if we were actually living it now. This is like putting gas in our car, giving the vision energy to have it happen.
As I wrote my vision, I spent time imagining all the details so that I could see, hear, smell and taste it. All of this imagining was done with emotion. I visualized actually standing in the rooms, felt the Egyptian cotton sheets, enjoyed the smells in the garden, and felt my lover touch my skin, mmm, delicious!
Sometimes change is foisted on us, when someone leaves us, or we create it, when we leave a situation. Vision writing creates a clear picture of your new beginning and gathers your resources together to manage it, if you will allow it.
Write your vision, and give permission for your dreams to unfold. Yes!
