How good are you at accepting compliments graciously? How good are you at deflecting them? Are you aware that the inability to accept compliments is a success blocking issue? Read on.
When my niece graduated, I bought a fun book by Susan Wilson Solovic called "the Girls' Guide to Power and Success." Naturally, I had to glance through it. I was taken with the wisdom that people who were much older than my niece is struggle with similar success blocking issues.
One of my toughest jobs as an executive coach is to get clients to stop focusing on their faults and instead build upon what they are already doing right. How does one do this? First, train yourself to take compliments in, really hear them, allow them to soak into your Self, and then, get their meaning. Second, acknowledge the sender. People love knowing that their opinion has touched and improved you.
According to Solovic, "The inability to accept a compliment graciously is annoying, disrespectful and a form of self-deprecation. When someone compliments you and you deflect it, you are undermining yourself and, you are telling the other person they don't know what they are talking about. Does this example sound familiar to you?
"What a lovely suit you have on this evening," a friend says. "This old thingI've had it for years," you reply. "Well, that may be, but it looks great on you, your friend continues. "Oh I think it makes my hips look big," you say.
Why can't we just say "Thank you"? When you deflect compliments like this, you take the focus off something genuinely good about yourself and focus on negative points. Is this really what we want to communicate to them?
This message is equally strong for men. Compliments and acknowlegements provide a strong foundation on which to build any form of success. Belittling ourselves (even minutely) and focusing upon our mistakes cracks this foundation.
Learn when the best time is to provide compliments for your own self. Know that not everyone is skilled in the art of providing compliments. Instead of waiting for that special someone to acknowledge you, look in the mirror and say "Way to go! I never had a doubt in my mind that you could accomplish this feat!"
Accepting compliments in a savvy way makes you stand out (since so few of can do this gracefully) and elevates relationships. Try this week to accept compliments that come your way instead of brushing them off. See what else opens up to you?
What you focus on becomes your reality. Compliments are not a bad reality to have. It will help you overcome your success-blocking issues. Enjoy your discoveries this week!
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