Flirt With Women - But Understand Them First

How do you successfully flirt with women? If you are you are short, old, ugly, flat-broke or bald is there any hope? Are you tired of being lonely but you fall to pieces each and every time you come close to a girl? Are you painfully shy? Do you go into paralysis at the idea of speaking to a pretty girl? Are you finished with women saying that they just want to be friends? Do you stand down and see other men steal your dates? Is there one, special girl you have your heart set on but you cannot seem to get started with her? Are you blocked by clumsy conversations that come to an abrupt stop because you can’t think of anything to say? In short, do you feel like a fool wearing some kind of girl repellant?

The problem with all of this is actually very simple and can be remedied easily and rapidly once you discover some fundamental facts about what makes women tick. Men are comfortable with solving problems with logic and they can't seem to see that females operate very differently. Women operate emotionally and all successful flirting is concerned with receiving an emotional response from a girl. Once a girl is responding to you emotionally, she may justify her actions using logic but logic has absolutely nothing to do with getting things started. The real truth is that a lady's emotions must be triggered first or all the gifts and fancy dinners won’t do you any good at all. On the other hand, you can build an instant connection right away if you recognize the right things to do and say.

Anyone can initiate a conversation with a woman but logic tells a lot of guys to not even attempt this. At the root of this is the fear of rejection. It’s like, “nothing ventured, nothing lost.” The trouble with that plan is that it gets you nowhere and keeps caught in a place of never receiving what you really wish for. The irony concerning all of this is that your hesitation and your shyness (which you think is protecting you from rejection) are as clear to a girl as the nose on your face. You cannot conceal it and it operates strongly against your chances of success.

There is some primordial, biological programming at work here that may not be obvious to you or the girl, for that matter. Even so, it pays to understand it and deal with it. Just look at a herd of elk during mating season. The stronger males battle each other for the privilege of mating with all the female elk in the herd. Only a single male wins. The logic behind this is that the victorious male probably has the strongest genetic makeup and this guarantees strong and healthy calves and, thus, the long-term survival of the herd. The females respond to this show of strength and willingly mate with the winning male. The weaker males are banished into exile.

Since we're seemingly a civilized species, we don’t usually go about striving to beat up every other man in the vicinity. Alternatively, we try to appear to be genuinely more confident, more secure, more intelligent and funnier. Girls respond to this with their emotions, not their logic. Ladies respond negatively to visible weakness, fear, lack of confidence, shyness, etc. The good news is that to make women to respond to you, you don’t have to be good-looking or the right age. If your looks or age is a factor used in your rejection, it is never the underlying reason for the rejection, although the girl may use them as an excuse not to be with you. The real reason that you are being rejected is that you failed to strike a chord with the woman's emotions.

Your ability to flirt effectively requires that you become skilled at some special flirting skills that work and learn to avoid flirting techniques that are ineffective. A few, very specific “lines” will always be useful in engaging a girl in conversation while most other “lines” will be seen as such and will be used against you. The reality is that 90% of successful flirting is silent, concerned only with looks, mannerisms and body language. Once a girl is intrigued with you, she will consciously or unconsciously give you signals to that effect: You need to learn to understand these signals and respond to them in the moment.

All girls are looking for certain traits in a man. You need to find out what these traits are and exhibit those in lieu of traits that drive women away. Humor is a strong flirting tool. Use it but keep your wits about you and notice if she is laughing. If you can cause her to laugh with you, you have accomplished most of the task already. If she is not smiling and laughing, stop trying to be funny because it's clearly not taking you where you want to go. Try a different tactic. When you are flirting, you want to study what’s successful and what’s not and be willing to shift your approach at a moment's notice.

If you are genuinely oriented towards the same things that intrigue her, that will work in your favor. If she tells you something, pick up on that and turn it to your advantage. Try to find out what specific behaviors seem to tap into her emotions and move towards sexual chemistry.

Touching can be a strong tool for flirting but it MUST be done properly and in the right order for it to work for you and not against you. Because touch is so potent, it can backfire powerfully if done wrong or too early.

Learn how to tell stories that captivate her heart rather than bore her. Learn how to manage her “testing” you by already knowing what the veiled agenda is at the root of her actions.

Learn how to “turn the tables on her” thus shifting the court to your advantage. Cause her start to wonder what you will do or say next. Spark her interest. Cause her to start chasing you, rather than the other way around. Speak quietly and with authority and self-confidence. As you take charge of the conversation, notice that she seems to be more and more relaxed with you.

Never listen to what girls tell you that they find attractive in a man. They are either lying to you or themselves or both. Alternatively, find out what they really find attractive by noticing how they react favorably or unfavorably to what is being said in the conversation. Learn to notice the non-verbal “green lights” that ladies use to indicate the presence of sexual chemistry. Look for particular eye signals to indicate if she’s ready for sexual activity.

Usually, what works ends by going against everything you imagined you knew about flirting. All women are looking for certain attributes that they wish from the men in their lives. Discover what these specific qualities are, develop them in yourself and then express the fact that you are a man who possesses them.

After the completion of a military operation, there is commonly a de-briefing meeting for participants. The goal of these sessions is always the same: Find out what went right and do more of that next time and learn what went wrong and learn what not to do during future operations. Using this strategy, each succeeding operation should be more successful than the last. It’s the same with flirting. Teach yourself what to do and what not to do and create a mental checklist. After the flirting is finished, mentally de-brief yourself on what was successful and what blunders may have been made. Use this to sharpen yourself for the next meeting.

In summary, you need to educate yourself on how women process information. Don't use logic, to start: Find out if you can use your conversation to interest the girl in an emotional way. Turn the tables to put yourself in control of the situation: This never means being bossy or manipulative. It merely means being self-confident, self-directed and maybe, just a little bit aloof. Let her determine that you are worth pursuing. And, finally, pay attention to the body language that lets you know that you are on the right heading.

© 2011 Robert M. Gillespie, Jr.