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Helping the Kids Remain Untouched Emotionally By Your Divorce

The trauma that seems intrinsic to many divorces come from using dirty tactics. You're so much better off to steer clear of them though. You're better off to know your rights and insist they be honored.

It's only in articles about divorce that a divorce goes smoothly if you'll just follow the tips they write about, eh? I have gone through a divorce. It's not easy. You have gone through a divorce. It's not easy.

When I read some of the questions out of the Divorce Forums, I am continuously amazed at some of the incidents that come up, displaying for all the world to see the lack of maturity on the part of the divorcing parties. In some instances, one or both parties use dirty tactics to punish the other.

I knew of one divorcee who could not get her rich and powerful husband to finalize their divorce. His behavior, due to the possession clause in that state, was manipulative and divisive. If she got fed up and left, he owned the house. He paid off judges and attorneys to ignore her requests to finalize the divorce. She tried to find attorneys with great big fangs to go after him, and was unsuccessful. Eight years after the proceedings had begun, she got fed up and figured out a way to make it final. She went to her therapist (whom she knew had to report this to the police) and said that she had a gun and was going to shoot the bastard. The therapist, of course, reported it to the police. Magically, her divorce was finalized the following week.

I am not suggesting you use this tactic. In fact, I strongly suggest that you do not use it. I told you the story simply to illustrate the dirty tactics I've seen happen in divorce court. What I am suggesting is that you do everything in your power to create a collaborative divorce for the sake of your children.

Divorce is a time when reason seems to fly the coup. You'd prefer reasonableness, but the sparks seem to fly between you and your ex because you know where he keeps his goat parked and you can't seem to help yourself from flinging it into his face, can you. If this is what is happening for you, I'd suggest that you let your attorney speak to his attorney so that the emotions can be anesthetized and reason returned to the throne.

Research on the internet so that you understand your rights and the rights of your children. Gaining that knowledge and hiring a savvy lawyer to represent you should foster a more collaborative divorce, and your kids won't be quite as disturbed. If your discussions with your ex become volatile, please don't do them in front of your children. Hire a childcare provider and take your discussion out of the home where your kids won't be disturbed by it.

If you will keep your kids at the top of the list and try to keep the divorce as harmonious as you can for their sake, you'll experience more harmony than if you didn't have this as a goal. Your children deserve to be as undisturbed emotionally as you are able to craft for them. Your children will look back on what you accomplished when they are adults and love you for it. It's just not necessary to revert to dirty tactics when you're divorced.

Article Tags: Divorce It's, Dirty Tactics

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In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at

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