Low Self Confidence- The relationship killer
“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” said Richard Bach, philosopher and renowned author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. This classic novel is a story of transformation, whi...
“Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” said Richard Bach, philosopher and renowned author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull. This classic novel is a story of transformation, which portrays a spirited bird that by trial and error learns to fly for grace and speed, not merely for food and survival. When he returns to his flock with the message that they can become creatures of excellence, he is banished for his irresponsibility. He flies alone until he meets two radiant gulls who teach him to achieve perfect flight by transcending the limits of time and space. Jonathan returns to the flock, gathering disciples to spread the idea of perfection.
I believe there’s a profound lesson to be learned from this inspirational tale, and it encompasses the meaning of true perfection! However, perfection is a difficult noun to get your arms around since it’s not easily defined and it’s often misunderstood. The standard definition of perfection is the process of becoming or making something perfect. But, what is the basis for measuring perfection? Most of the so-called experts believe that perfection is an external illusion and that self-confidence is, more or less, a by-product of that mirage. Well, they are right and wrong! First, external perfection is an illusion; however, internal perfection is not! Second, self-confidence is not a by-product of anything – especially not an illusion. Real perfection is a matter of self-perception. And, self-confidence is no exception to that rule. Therefore, true perfection lies in what you think and not in what others think of you. As Jonathan encountered opposition to his own beliefs, so do people in every walk of life. The difference lies in how you handle that opposition. Will you allow others to strip you of your personal power, or will you allow public opinion to roll off like water on a ducks back? If your answer is the later, then inner perfection is your goal. And, I am quite certain that if you are in fact perfect inside, then you must be confident! Ironically, when you awaken inner perfection, it automatically transforms external perfection. So, if you think you can, you will! If you think you can’t, you won’t! In reality, you are perfect! You just don’t believe it yet! But, believing it is often more difficult than meets the eye. Maybe that’s because most people are taught to achieve perfection and self-confidence externally. If you’ve read any of the self-confidence building books available today, then you know exactly what I’m driving at. Many of these books, if not all, focus on modifying external components such as clothes, hair, make up, improved posture, and body weight. But rarely, if ever, do these literary works provide any advice for internal transformation other than positive thinking, affirmation, and/or behavioral modification techniques. These, in my opinion, are absolutely ineffective for transforming internal perfection. You can stand in front of the mirror and say “I’m smart enough, I’m good enough, I’m pretty enough, and darn it I love myself,” until your blue in the face! But, it’s not going to make a shred of difference unless you truly have a reason to believe it. And, that requires uncovering your inner perfection with a journey of self-discovery!
Take a moment to examine your self-esteem. What do you like about yourself, and what don’t you like? What are your biggest fears? Do you feel inadequate? Don’t sugarcoat it! Be honest with yourself! How have your own insecurities and lack of self-confidence caused you to blame, criticize, or push your partner away? It’s easy to blame your partner for the failing relationship, but when you point your finger at him, where are the other three pointing? Why is it that you notice the speck of wood in your partner’s eye, but you have failed to notice the log in your own? If you want to blast your confidence into orbit you’ll need to focus on self-discovery. So, what self-limiting beliefs have you learned, and how have they damaged your self-esteem?
Do any of the following negative thoughts sound familiar?
How many of these negative thoughts have been lingering in your subconscious? Remember, if you think you can’t, you won’t! And moreover, if you think you’re not worthy or don’t deserve happiness, you will attract relationships that complete those negative thoughts. So, what you think and how you really feel is far more powerful than the words you speak. But, the secret to creating mind blowing confidence is more than just external or behavioral modification. It requires a journey of self-discovery-one that will awaken your inner perfection!
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
David founded Relationship Rehab for Women in 2002, and set out on a quest to deliver real relationship information that people can put right to work.... to make a difference!