When we have an important decision to make, or have a lot on our minds, its easy to go round and round in circles thinking about the same issues, but never actually getting anywhere. Here's a good system for how to consciously address an issue or decision and the steps you can take to move forward. Whether you want to change careers, move to another country or just start a new phase in your life, this system will help you move forward.
Many people complain to me that the career or broader life issues they're grappling with just circle endlessly in their head. I've experienced this myself. My two most determined circles were 1) wondering what on earth I was supposed to be doing with my life and later 2) questioning if I had the will, talent, skills, time, money (you name it) to set up my own coaching practice.
To break both these circles I hired a coach. Undoubtedly the coaching forced me to take action that I would otherwise have dithered over for months, or perhaps never got to doing. So I'm an advocate of working with an expert who can help you find your own answers as well as providing practical information and advice where appropriate.
However, there is also A LOT you can do to help yourself. It sounds a bit strange, but try making a coaching appointment with yourself, to think in a structured way about what's bothering you. Give yourself at least 20-30 minutes and get a notebook to jot down your questions and responses. Then apply this coaching model:
1. ESTABLISH A FOCUS
Identify a single issue.
To do this, ask yourself questions like:
"What specific outcome do I want from this conversation?"
"What would I like to be different?"
"What's troubling me most about this situation?"
For example, say you think you want to set up your own business but you haven't a clue about how to start, or even if it's really 100% what you want, and how do you find out if it's what you definitely want without starting (which you don't know how to do)? (spot the circle??!).
"What's troubling me MOST about this situation?"
"I don't know if I have the skills to run my own business. I don't even know what those skills are."
"OK, so what would I like to be different at the end of this 20 minute talk with myself?"
"I'd like some ideas for finding out the skills needed."
Perfect!
2. EXPLORE POSSIBILITIES
This is brainstorming territory. Some good questions are:
"What options or approaches can I think of?"
"What are the positives and negatives of each option?"
"What have I seen work for others?"
"What else?"
"What has worked for me in the past?"
Continuing our example...
"What approaches can I think of?"
"Well, I guess I could ask other people who've started a business what they think are important skills. And I could google a bit, there must be some websites which could help me."
"That's great! What else could I do?"
"I don't know. This is too difficult. Can I go and make a cup of tea now....?"
"Later. Think: what's worked for me in the past when I've needed to learn about a new topic?"
"Usually I read books. Hmm, so I could have a look on Amazon as well. That's perked me up a bit, I love buying books. This is fun!"
3. PLAN ACTIONS
Start to pin yourself down.
"What do I need to do now?"
"Well X just started her own business and she's very approachable, I could talk to her. I can't think of anyone else right now but maybe she would know of other people."
"Good... When will I do this?"
"I'll call her tomorrow morning."
Put this in your diary, and keep going until you have committed to several actions.
4. REMOVE OBSTACLES
Make sure you don't leave yourself with any excuses...
"What might stop me doing this?"
"Feeling insecure. X might think I'm crazy to even consider having my own business. Maybe she won't even want to talk to me."
"What can I do to overcome this obstacle?"
"What's the worst that can happen? If she says she's too busy, I'll be a bit upset but I could still ask her for some names. Someone will speak to me: I know I'd help if the roles were reversed."
5. RECAP
Go over your notes and ask yourself:
"What did I learn today?", or "Looking back over the conversation, what else comes to mind?"
"What did I learn today?"
"That there's always something I can do to get the ball rolling. I feel much better. The circle is broken!"
Good luck with straightening your own circles...!
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