Do you have a good relationship with yourself? Find ways to form a deeper connection with yourself.
A. How Can I Know if I Have A Good Relationship with Myself?
I know what I like and don't like
I’m able to hang onto my values, beliefs, and desires, even if someone disagrees with me
I’m aware of what's important to me in life
I have a sense that I can accomplish what I want to in life
I have a sense of my own personal power
In general, I am not a victim of other people’s desires
My satisfaction comes from living out the dreams and goals that God has given me, not from helping someone else live out their goals and dreams
I’m able to maintain who I am even when someone I care about is upset with me
I’m able to self-soothe my own internal anxiety, rather than only being able to get soothing from substances, activities, or other people
I’m able to tolerate discomfort and pain in order to grow
I’m able to put my desires and insights into action, not just have these remain as "something I should do"
I’m able to maintain my personal integrity (my actions and personal values are congruent)
B. Ideas to Form a Deeper Connection with YourSelf:
Be open to the idea that you have an inside self that needs to be seen.
Let yourself feel the feelings that come up around realizing what "mirrors" of yourself you were given, and how those have affected your image of who you are.
Write a letter (not to send) to the people who gave you an inaccurate reflection of yourself. "I'm realizing that you gave me the message that I ____________________." I'm realizing that this is not true, and I'm taking steps to scrub away this distorted image of myself, and instead begin to see myself as God sees me, and as I really am.
Talk to yourself with as much compassion as you can muster. "I realize that I've been believing these things about me. I don't want to see myself in a distorted way anymore.
I want to begin the process of wiping away the lies of who I was told I was, and get to know me as I really am." I realize that I'm not ___________________ (pick one false attribute you have believed about yourself because someone told you that). I don't want to reject myself like this any more."
Expect lots of grief as you enter into this process.
Make sure you have a safe friend, counselor, coach, group, or Pastor you can process your feelings with.
Start forming the habit of asking yourself what you need, rather than running to a substance, activity, or another person to meet your need.
Begin the process of learning to soothe yourself when upset.
Kim Fredrickson, M.S., Marriage and Family Therapist (CA MFC 22635) and Life, Parent, and Relationship Coach is the author of many popular CD’s and articles that will help you build Encouraging Relationships in your life. To learn more about Kim and sign up for more FREE Relationships Tips, visit her site at http://www.encouragingrelationships.com/.
