Learn to Say No
How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn’t want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn’t come out. So you end up doing it…and later resent it.
A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didn’t want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in the task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards the person she had said ‘yes’ to.
So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, “You are even justifying yourself to me!” We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when the reason is simply: “I don’t want to.”
Check-in With Yourself
Saying no doesn’t have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, “Nope, never as long as I live” or “Baby sit your kids - are you crazy?” What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun?
Make a List
Try this: “This is what I have been doing. I have been saying yes, when I have wanted to say no. I am starting to feel resentful and I don’t want to feel that way. I don't want to offend you, and I need to start listening to myself.” At the very least, they will have a heads-up that things might be a little different from now one. And - it helps you make an internal shift.
Taking the Plunge
And I say: Bring on the consequences! In the end, it’s worth it.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
David Wood is a Certified Life Coach. He helps coaches, consultants, speakers and trainers to build their businesses via his popular ebook at http://10SuperCoaches.com and his audio ebook at http://www.FirstFiftyClients.com. Get his new Free Download “50 Power Questions” and popular monthly ezine for clients and coaches (now over 15,000 subscribers) at: http://www.solutionbox.com/freedownload.htm