Lovin an Illusion
We often tend to expect positive traits in a person whom we find attractive. This is why sometimes we only see what we wish to see in an individual. We imagine admirable characteristics simply because...
We often tend to expect positive traits in a person whom we find attractive. This is why sometimes we only see what we wish to see in an individual. We imagine admirable characteristics simply because of the physical attraction we feel.
However, it is entirely possible that our biases may be clouding our perceptions. Emotion will time and again obscure our judgment, especially when we have already fallen for this attractive person. We tend to ignore the negative and see only what is beautiful. We forget that no matter how attractive the person is, he or she is still prone to making mistakes.† Beautiful or not, handsome or not, that person is just like you or me. That person will have flaws due to the same human frailties we all possess.
Sometimes we fall in love with a mirage. We create an ideal picture of the perfect partner. And when we do find someone to love, we then we force her to fit into the perfect mold we have imagined in our minds. We start to make expectations of the person that are unrealistic or impossible.
When this happens, this ultimately leads to our inevitable frustration. We soon discover that the “perfect” lover we envisioned is not perfect at all. The fairy tale we dreamed of is false. The telenovela love story we thought was ours was just an illusion created by our mind.
The only cure to this fantasy of expectations is experience alone. It is when we have been in relationships that this illusion is finally dispelled. We come to realize that there is no perfect lover out there.
Maturity and experience will eventually teach us to be realistic when looking for the right person to love. We learn to accept that no one is perfect no matter how attractive that person may be. And once we can accept this, our picture of an ideal partner will evolve. We will be able to look beyond the physical and see the characteristics that truly matter.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is the author of Transcendence: Essays For Personal Reflection. His blog can be found at Meanings and Perceptions.