The one true threat to the longevity of a relationship is doubt. Trust is the foundation without which a relationship cannot exist. Doubt is the absence of trust. Whether or not there is a reason...
The one true threat to the longevity of a relationship is doubt. Trust is the foundation without which a relationship cannot exist. Doubt is the absence of trust. Whether or not there is a reason to doubt your partner’s fidelity, the end result is the same. Once there is doubt, you are robbed of your peace of mind.
Often, it is the insecurity of one of you in the relationship that creates this doubt. Due to some flaw in your personality, perhaps the result of parental neglect, you automatically doubt the dependability of any relationship.
Or it could be that you had previously been traumatized by an unfaithful partner and you haven’t fully recovered yet. In such cases, it is necessary for you to heal fully before you enter into a new relationship.
The presence of doubt gives rise to questions that produce more doubt. And this leads to a downward spiral of increasing misery. If you see yourself being pulled into this spiral, there are only two things you can do, kill the doubt or end the relationship.
When the doubt is actually caused by your partner’s unfaithful act, this becomes the real challenge because most relationships do not go any further and just end here.
But there is another important ingredient to a relationship that is sometimes overlooked. Relationships are built not just on trust but also on hope. Supposing your partner is in fact guilty of infidelity, it is still your choice to forgive and put this issue behind you. You have this option because you possess hope that your partner can change and you have hope that you can recover from the pain and doubt caused by your partner’s infidelity.
A relationship is built between two imperfect human beings whose flaws make them vulnerable to moments of weakness. It is therefore necessary that both of you accept each other’s frailty. And when you do commit a mistake, it is your responsibility to ensure that it is not repeated.
But in this case, the process of rebuilding the trust is rather difficult. It will entail patience and understanding between the both of you. And it will still be a mutual effort to rebuild the trust and not merely the sole burden of the guilty partner.
To hope is to believe that trust can be restored despite the existence of a reason to doubt.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is an author of various books and studies. His blog can be found at Meanings & Perceptions