Seeing the World Through the Eyes of Depression
There is pain. It does not cease. It lies just within the threshold of your awareness. It often prevents you from doing what you need to do. Because you would rather just rest as it keeps you tired...
There is pain. It does not cease. It lies just within the threshold of your awareness. It often prevents you from doing what you need to do. Because you would rather just rest as it keeps you tired. Sometimes you just wish to sleep and hope that in your dreams the pain would disappear. But even your dreams are not spared. The pain is still there. When you wake up, you hope that this pervasive melancholy would end. But it does not. It stays with you the next day.
The pain invades your entire being. It reminds you of your failures and your regrets. It makes you feel guilt for the things you have done wrong. You begin to feel worthless and undeserving of anyone's love. You see yourself as a burden to everyone around you. You sense that people have little or no regard for you. And these thoughts make you desire isolation. You would rather be alone.
This sense of worthlessness discourages you from caring about yourself. And so, you lose concern about how you look. You neglect your health and you eat less. And it doesn't matter because you are unimportant anyway and no one cares.
For you, each day feels the same as the last. The days pass slowly for you. Because there is nothing to look forward to. Everything appears uninteresting. You know with certainty that tomorrow will be as miserable as today. The past, present and future have all become the same for you. Time has stood still.
You want this emptiness to disappear. You hope to find solace in someone's company. You wish that love could fill this void. But who would dare love someone as worthless as you? And so you turn to prayer. But once again, you are reminded of your unforgivable sins. And you become convinced that God has forsaken you. Love and faith have lost their meaning.
This endless numbing sensation is all you know. And it has made you weak. Every small problem, frustration or even the slightest stressor makes you feel that the world is ending. Each difficulty for you appears catastrophic. Dread has joined your sense of despair. And thoughts of death now fill your mind.
If you think you feel this way, it is perhaps time to reach out and talk to someone whom you believe is genuinely concerned about you, who will listen silently and not judge you. And if that person asks you to seek help, you should heed this advice.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Edward Fabella, PhD is a research director, a dean and a graduate school professor in the Philippines. He is the author of War of Ascension fantasy novel trilogy available on Amazon.com. Follow him on Twitter @ErickFabella