Self pity may occur as a result of frustration or an unfortunate event in one’s life. It is a type of sadness that is unique in itself because it affects people who feel that everything tha...
Self pity may occur as a result of frustration or an unfortunate event in one’s life. It is a type of sadness that is unique in itself because it affects people who feel that everything that happens to them is the result of chance. These are individuals who believe in luck, fate, destiny or fortune. Sometimes being overly religious may also cause a person to feel this way, and claim that everything that occurs is the will of a higher power. Sadly, when a person goes to this extent, he may just do nothing and wait for blessings to come.
The belief in luck is made worse when a person compares himself to others. By doing so and seeing that other people have it better, he becomes more despondent, because the belief that life is indeed unfair has been proven true for him.
Are these beliefs and behaviors in fact correct?
Is everything the result of chance? No, they are not. A person who believes in fate will sometimes say that romantic relationships are also based on destiny. He may even claim that whether his partner will leave or stay in the relationship is a matter of fate. But a relationship is a two-way commitment that requires both people to constantly make an effort in order for it to grow. The life of the relationship is not a matter of chance at all.
Should an individual compare himself with others? No, he should not. Merely looking at a person cannot tell you whether he or she has it better than you. You don’t even know what that person’s problems are. And even if you did, problems may affect people differently.
Is life unfair? No, because there is no such thing as a fair or unfair life. People don’t get what is fair; people just get what they get. Period.
Self pity is unhealthy because it paralyzes a person into submission and surrender. It renders him helpless because it makes him believe he is unable to do anything about his life. Self pity is a result of having the above false beliefs. As soon as you discard them the better your outlook on life will be. You will start to discover that you are in control; that you can empower yourself and become more self efficacious. By abandoning these false beliefs, you will be able to avoid feeling sorry for yourslef.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is also an author of a number of books and studies.