Start a Conversation and Make a Friend

Many people are shy and just don’t seem to be able to start a
conversation or keep it going. Well it’s actually quite a simple
skill and is easily learnt. So learn how to get chatting and make
a new friend. You may even meet someone special.

Here are a few useful tips to get you going:

Tip 1 - Don’t talk about yourself until prompted to by the other
person. People who talk about themselves too much often come
across as being boring and conceited.

Tip 2 - Introduce yourself properly early on. You make a good first
impression and avoid the embarrassment of having to ask later, or
having to introduce your new friend to someone else not knowing
their name.

Tip 3 - Use their name often. People respond well to the sound of
their own name. It also shows that you are listening to them and
that you value their company and opinion.

Tip 4 - Ask open-ended questions. “What is your name?” or
“ What is the time?” are questions that require a specific and
generally short answer. An open-ended question is one that does
not require a specific answer, and prompts the other person to
continue or to tell you more. “In what way…” or “Why do you
say…” and “When you said… did you mean…“ are examples.
Open ended questions often use words like why or how, and not
who, where or when.

Tip 5 - Focus your attention on the other person and listen
carefully, showing your interest. The other person will constantly
reveal bits of important personal information. This will provide you
with further topics for open-ended questions allowing you to keep
the conversation going and show your interest. Good listeners are
always regarded by others as great company, no matter how little
they actually say!

Getting started

Most people find it difficult being on their own in a crowd of people
who all appear to be happily socialising. It makes sense that if you
simply walk across to a person standing on their own, introduce
yourself and start talking, they will be thankful and will want to
talk to you. But how do you actually start? What do you say?
What you say is less important than actually just saying
something to break the ice. It is extremely important to make
sure of two things. Say it with confidence and make sure that
your opening statement is positive. A complaint about the boring
music or lack of food at a party isn’t going to win you new friends.
A positive statement about anything will normally get you a smile
and a positive comment back.

Your opening line could either be a statement or a question.
The important thing is to involve the other person immediately and
to quickly find something in common. The safest thing to talk about
is generally the current situation. If you’re at an exhibition,
choose the closest or most interesting painting. At a party, ask
“How do you know John (the host)”. Be prepared to have the
same question asked back, but this will quickly allow you to
find common ground and start asking open-ended questions.

Now for the hard part - go and chat to a stranger and have fun!