Many people are shy and just don’t seem to be able to start a ... or keep it going. Well it’s actually quite a simple skill and is easily learnt. So learn how to get chatting and makea new fr
Many people are shy and just don’t seem to be able to start a conversation or keep it going. Well it’s actually quite a simple skill and is easily learnt. So learn how to get chatting and make a new friend. You may even meet someone special.
Here are a few useful tips to get you going:
Tip 1 - Don’t talk about yourself until prompted to by the other person. People who talk about themselves too much often come across as being boring and conceited.
Tip 2 - Introduce yourself properly early on. You make a good first impression and avoid the embarrassment of having to ask later, or having to introduce your new friend to someone else not knowing their name.
Tip 3 - Use their name often. People respond well to the sound of their own name. It also shows that you are listening to them and that you value their company and opinion.
Tip 4 - Ask open-ended questions. “What is your name?” or “ What is the time?” are questions that require a specific and generally short answer. An open-ended question is one that does not require a specific answer, and prompts the other person to continue or to tell you more. “In what way…” or “Why do you say…” and “When you said… did you mean…“ are examples. Open ended questions often use words like why or how, and not who, where or when.
Tip 5 - Focus your attention on the other person and listen carefully, showing your interest. The other person will constantly reveal bits of important personal information. This will provide you with further topics for open-ended questions allowing you to keep the conversation going and show your interest. Good listeners are always regarded by others as great company, no matter how little they actually say!
Getting started
Most people find it difficult being on their own in a crowd of people who all appear to be happily socialising. It makes sense that if you simply walk across to a person standing on their own, introduce yourself and start talking, they will be thankful and will want to talk to you. But how do you actually start? What do you say? What you say is less important than actually just saying something to break the ice. It is extremely important to make sure of two things. Say it with confidence and make sure that your opening statement is positive. A complaint about the boring music or lack of food at a party isn’t going to win you new friends. A positive statement about anything will normally get you a smile and a positive comment back.
Your opening line could either be a statement or a question. The important thing is to involve the other person immediately and to quickly find something in common. The safest thing to talk about is generally the current situation. If you’re at an exhibition, choose the closest or most interesting painting. At a party, ask “How do you know John (the host)”. Be prepared to have the same question asked back, but this will quickly allow you to find common ground and start asking open-ended questions.
Now for the hard part - go and chat to a stranger and have fun!
Michael Page is the author of the e-Book, “How To Get Lucky”: the essential guide for single men who want to meet women. This article is an extract from the chapter on developing your conversational skills. http://www.how-to-get-lucky.com mailto:mpagemail@yahoo.com
