Stop Putting Up With Things

One of the courses I teach is called the “Attraction Program.” It is designed on the premise that we are all walking magnets and therefore attract what we project. Did you ever notice that when one thing goes wrong, it is often the start of a chain of unfortunate events? Conversely, everything in our lives often seems to be going right.

This phenomenon is caused by the energy we project outward. When something bad happens, we project negative energy and, therefore, attract more negativity. When something good happens, it keeps coming.

I have to say that when I started to design a few of the 28 principles of the Attraction Program into my life, I noticed a distinct difference in how my life changed and became more effortless. One principle, Tolerate Nothing, has had an enormously positive impact on me.

I had always operated under the notion that the more I was able to put up with meant the stronger I would become. How wrong I was! There’s nothing noble about putting up with things that annoy us. In fact, they drain our energy and depress us. Every time you put up with something, you feel less attractive to yourself.

As a baby, you did not tolerate anything; you were not going to put up with hunger, thirst, or dirty diapers. You made it known, quite clearly, that some action was required to satisfy your needs. As you got older, however, you were told that looking after your own needs was selfish and that ignoring your own needs was “life.”

Sources of our tolerations are unlimited and it is my intent to make you aware they are not good for you. I encourage you to eliminate them one by one, keeping in mind that you might simply have to become accustomed to some of them. There are some you might be unwilling to address, or you might feel the cost of eliminating them is too high – like telling your mother-in-law that she cannot just appear on your doorstep whenever she feels like it.

If you are like most people, you are probably tolerating hundreds of things right now. One might be the “friend” who continually talks about his or her problems, or the people who come over for dinner and spend the entire evening talking about themselves. When they leave, they have absolutely no clue of what you’ve been up to. You might have started to say something and were interrupted.

Other examples include the people who do not treat you the way you want to be treated at the office or at home; the person who thinks his or her time is much more valuable than yours and is continually late. (I am getting a little hot under the collar as I write this.) Maybe it is the spot on the rug or the chipped paint that you walk by several times a day.

It can also be the stuff you tolerate from yourself, such as not honoring the commitments you have made to yourself or to others.

When you start with the elimination process, you will be amazed by the benefits you will derive. The first step is to buy a stack of three- by five-inch cards. Write down the things you are tolerating in your life right now, one toleration per card. Start with at least 50 items. The list should include the following areas: home, kids, spouse, “best” friend, job, your habits and behaviour, others habits and behaviours, your car, your commute, television, computer, e-mails, interruptions, and any of the other areas that apply to you personally.

Put the cards with the big tolerations into one pile and the smaller ones into another. Now start to eliminate them, one item at a time.

Once you have eliminated the annoyance – such as working up the courage to tell your cleaning person that the tiles in the bathroom have not been wiped in months – rip up the card.

You will find that the ripping action will not only give you a sense of accomplishment, but will also give you a great sense of relief.

In some cases, you will have to tell someone in your usual smooth, effective and non-disruptive way, of course, that you are no longer willing to put up with certain behaviours, because they either hurt your feelings or annoy you. The card can be ripped up only when you see the positive change you expect.

You might want to start with a couple of the smaller items on your list to help you build momentum and then charge full steam ahead. In a best-case scenario, you will be able to accomplish this without causing a divorce or being fired from your job (unless that is what you have in mind.)

Start today. Keep some cards near you at all times so you can add the things that annoy you as they occur to you. As you go through the process, you will find that you are developing higher standards for yourself and that you have more confidence. It might cause upsets initially, including the fact that the things you used to fret about are no longer there – that can create a void for some people.

After three to four months, you will likely find that you have attracted new people who are positive and stimulating and the old complainers have distanced themselves, because they realize you are no longer “putting up with things.” Most of all, you will be calmer and more self-assured. You will also be proud that you have eliminated the tolerations that are within your control and that you have communicated your needs to those around you.