Tackling Tolerations

Do you ever feel that something is holding you back from true growth and accomplishment? Do you think to yourself, if I only had the time, space, etc., to do XYZ, my life would be so much better?Getting rid of the things you are tolerating is analogous to clearing out a room like they do on “Trading Spaces” prior to the redecorating effort. How can you make wholesale changes in your life if your life is so packed that there is no room to put stuff in? Tolerations weigh you down and eliminating them frees up your time and energy in a way that makes true change achievable.

The first step to this process is to define what we mean when we say “tolerations”. Tolerations are things that you put up with each day that take up space in your mind and distract you from that which is really important. They drain you emotionally and exhaust you so that feel stuck in an endless loop where you cannot grow.

Next, you need to identify and acknowledge what you are tolerating. It helps to write them out even if you have no idea how to resolve it. You may want to categorize them as well, putting them in groups such as “work”, “relationships”, “physical environment” and so on.

It may take a while for you to really notice tolerations if you have been putting up with them for so long that you no longer recognize them as such. One of my clients, “George” seemed almost offended when I suggested that we work on this topic. His response was “I’m not putting up with anything!” I asked that he just put the idea on a backburner and we’d come back to it later. About a month later, George came to our session with a list of 78 things he was tolerating!As he explained it, the idea of tolerations went off almost literally like a light bulb for him. He had gone home one day after work and headed for the refrigerator for a cold one and as he opened it, he noticed that the light bulb in the refrigerator had gone out. Now the bulb had been out for about 2 weeks and what hit him was the thought process that went on when he saw it again for the umpteenth time. “Darn it. The light’s out. I should probably change it. But the bulbs are in the garage somewhere and I don’t feel like looking for them right now. I’ll do it later.” George realized that he thought this every single time he opened the fridge and saw the light out. He further realized how much this tiny thing was weighing him down and aggravating him. He dealt with it right then and there.

George then moved on to the kitchen drawers and then spent the weekend clearing out his home office. He shared how he felt lighter and freer and wonderfully productive. He wondered why he hadn’t done this earlier and started making a list of all the little things he had been putting up with and committed to getting rid of them.

Once you have identified the things you are tolerating, you can start taking action to eliminate these things. Most people find it easier to deal with physical tolerations (fixing the back door, replacing the light bulb, cleaning out the closets) than with emotional tolerations, such as how your mother-in-law behaves whenever she visits your home or why you keep hanging out with friends that take you for granted or put you down. Be clear on how to make strong requests instead of complaints. Understand that if you choose to tolerate something, it is just that: your choice. Ask yourself how that toleration serves you before you accept it. Suffering is not useful to anyone, least of all you.

If you have committed to leading a toleration-free life, you can look forward to having more time and energy. Instead of managing situations around you that drain your energy, you can happily choose those areas in your life that you want to focus on and develop. Eliminating tolerations is a skill that you grow into; the more tolerations you get rid of, the less you are willing to put up with in your life. Why not start today?