The Holiday Rule-of-Thumb

Here come the holidays. If you work it right, it can add another full-time job to the 3 or 4 you already have. We can get in the mode of being so over-extended, what’s another over-extension? You can get so numb you don’t feel it, or so addicted to adrenalin you feel like something’s missing if you aren’t going a mile a minute, 24/7.

INTROVERT ALERT

The more introverted you are, the more taxing the holidays are likely to be. Extraverts get their energy from people (often from the willing introvert!) while people drain introverts of energy. It has nothing to do with “liking” people, it has to do with the means and mode of relating to people. A party full of strangers, semi-acquaintances and small talk isn’t the introvert’s cup of tea. (Sitting at home along with a toddy in front of the fireplace listening to Luciano Pavorotti’s Christmas concert is not the extravert’s cup of tea!)

Know what you like, what makes you well, and stay there as much as you can.

FIRST RULE-OF-THUMB

The holiday rule-of-thumb is about numbers. Actually there are two. The first one is, do about half as much as you’d like to.

I had to remember this myself! I’m planning a Christmas cookie party for my grandchildren and friends, and it’s on the same day as “The Nutcracker.” I started to shift times around so we could rush from one to the other, and then reminded myself of the “half as much” formula. I know the kids would enjoy it more to just hang around the house after the party and unwind.

Then I pared the party itself down. We’ll be baking and decorating cookies and I began with 4 varieties. Now I’m down to just sugar cookies. Instead of moving the kids from one type to another, which I know children don’t enjoy (they’re smart and don’t like to be rushed), we’ll just spend our time with the sugar cookies and they can work at their own pace.

Is Santa coming? No. Am I putting on a big spread? No. Who do I need to impress? And who will I impress with my company if I’m exhausted? Instead of a huge buffet spread, I’m fixing just a few things.

Then, because I know kids, we’re going to do some dancing. When folks get excited, they need physical exercise for balance. This applies to kids, too (smile). I have a great tape with “The Chicken Dance” and others, and we’ll take a break and have a work out. And no one does the Chicken Dance like I do!

SECOND RULE-OF-THUMB

Because the second numbers formula is – your kids will likely benefit from about twice as much time and attention from you, and about half as much of your money spent on them. (This applies to your partner and other loved ones as well.)

If you’re rushing about spending lots of money to buy “things” for your loved ones, and so stressed out you can’t enjoy their company when you’re with them – what’s wrong with this picture? A party’s the perfect analogy for this. You don’t want to exhaust yourself planning and preparing so that you can’t enjoy the people once they get there. Christmas is one big “party” that you want to be able to enjoy, so keep it simple.

The ‘pull’ is there, if you can’t think for yourself. The media is the most obvious culprit – the ads on TV and radio that increasingly bombard us with a sensational, insensitive and expensive lifestyle; but our friends, neighbors, colleagues and even loved-ones may do the same.

RESIST!

As an adult 'child' you may be vulnerable to the expectations and judgments of your parents, i.e., “But we always have a party on Christmas Eve, then breakfast on Christmas Day, then church …” and on and on.

Likewise as a grandparent, your adult married children can lead you a merry chase, not just requiring you attend activities, but asking you to fill in when they’re in over their heads, gotten sick, and need help. “Mom!! I’ve got to get the cards out, the baby’s sick, the house is a mess, we’ve got houseguests coming …”

If you work in an office, you’re vulnerable to the hub-bub around you. Deanna is giving her husband a golf vacation, shouldn’t you? Julie’s husband is buying her a sapphire ring, shouldn’t you feel bad if your husband isn’t? If you aren’t centered, and using your EQ, it’s whiplash!

And all the parties, with the liquor, sweets and unhealthy foods you don’t need. Getting off your schedule, and letting the kids get off theirs. Not getting enough sleep. Spending too much money and worrying about it. And the first thing to go is your exercise regime.

Even your place of worship will have a full schedule of events and services beckoning to you, and every organization you belong to is giving a party.

It all adds up to stress, stress impacts your immune system, and you get sick. This throws you farther behind your frenetic schedule, adding more stress.

STOP THE MADNESS!

This year, try something different. Do half of what you consider doing. This will mean having priorities, the first of which is your health and well-being, and that of your family.

Fix half of what you ordinarily do for your Christmas dinner. Try adding some healthy foods. They are always easier to prepare. What does it take to put a pear on a dessert plate and serve it? (Make it festive with garnish – squirt on some whipped cream, add mint leaves and red peppermint.) Some sautéed green beans with dill? Add some pimiento; you have red and green!

Then spend about half of what you consider spending – on the kids but also on your partner and other loved ones. Running up the credit cards is a stressor too.

Try giving more of your self – your time and your attention. If you think that’s “harder,” you’re right, and also you need to take a look at this.

Basic to all this – you have to take care of yourself. Set an example for others this year and start new traditions. Half as many!