When Your Lover Constantly Criticizes You
Couples desire growth and a deepening of their relationship. Criticism is discouraged as it demonstrates the perception of one's superiority over the other. When a partner constantly criticizes the other, it could be a sign of something else.
Criticism should be seen as a tool for improvement. Human beings have always desired that things be done more effectively, more efficiently and more beautifully. When we criticize someone, we are in fact pinpointing a possible error in the behavior of a person with respect to a particular standard that we hold. A mother will criticize her child. A teacher will criticize his student. The end goal is an improvement in the individual being evaluated.
When criticism is executed constructively without shaming the person publicly or when it is done in a non-insulting manner, the desired change is more likely to be achieved. When criticism is done in order to make him feel bad about himself, it becomes unhealthy. And we can no longer consider this as criticism but as an attack on the individual.
So, what does it mean when your romantic partner begins to criticize you and this happens more frequently over time? We need to consider once again the dynamic as well as the motivation for the same.
How is your partner criticizing you? Is it done in order to help your relationship grow or out of a desire to hurt you? Is the criticism focusing on the desired change in your behavior or is it directed towards your character? And is your partner communicating in a respectful manner or does he shame you or insult you? What if instead of focusing on a particular act, your partner attacks your character, uses insults and denigrates you as an individual, shows disrespect without regard to the goal of furthering the relationship? And what does it mean when he does this constantly?
Let us remember that criticism is done with a standard in mind. What is your partner's standard? Is it himself or someone else? And if it is someone else, has your partner begun to compare you with that person? If so, we need to ask why you are being compared and what does this other person mean to your partner.
Given the aforementioned circumstances, it is entirely possible that your partner has found someone else and he is now justifying leaving you by looking only at your flaws.
For a relationship to grow, criticism should be the last resort. Desired adjustments in the romantic interaction may be communicated respectfully thereby maintaining each other's dignity. In this way, the love remains undiminished and the relationship is able to deepen.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Edward Fabella, Ph.D. is a research director, a dean and a graduate school professor in the Philippines. Download his free ebook here Authentic Self