Write a Better Online Personal Ad

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Write a Better Online Personal Ad
By Tracy Brant at Dateable.com

If you are going to invest time or money in using a
matchmaking website, you should really pay some attention to
writing a profile that will get you some responses. People
will not be interested in emailing you if you do not do
something to make yourself stand out from the masses of
people using personal ads.

I administer several dating websites. People frequently
write in saying, "I never get any replies to my ad." And
when I go look at the ad, I find that they have not filled
out the profile, or added a photo. Who can tell if they want
to email you if there is no information? Not quite as bad,
but still ineffective, is a profile that says, "Email me for
details" or "looking for a nice person." You can't bother
to write a paragraph to find the love of your life? Or even
a fun date for the weekend?

Here are some guidelines for writing effective personal ad
blurbs:

INVESTMENT. Decide that this is worth spending some time
on, or don't bother. You wouldn't submit a sloppy resume,
would you? This is about making a good first impression,
because there will be no second chance once someone clicks
to the next ad.

MARKETING. You are marketing yourself... trying to stand
out in a crowd. You are the "product." and the people you
want to meet are your customers. Think about who you want to
meet, and then think about who THEY want to meet! How can
you tell them that YOU are the person they want to meet?
Magazine ads, for example, grab your attention, make you
laugh, they make you think "wow, what a great thing... I
want to buy it." They can be short, but pack a punch. If
they are long, they tell a good story. Marketers test their
different ad campaigns, and you should, too. Try placing
different ads to see what gets you a better result.

PREPARATION. Before you log in anywhere, do some thinking
and writing. Don't wait until you are faced with a blinking
cursor to write your blurb. Give serious thought to how you
will describe yourself and the person you hope to find.
Write at least two paragraphs, one about yourself, and one
about the person you seek. Ask someone you trust to read
those paragraphs and comment on how well they reflect who
you are and what you want. Save that text to cut and paste
into dating website forms. Have a digital photo or two
ready.

OPENING LINES. Use your username... don't be Bob3456... be
PaintBallPrincess or SecretSuperHero or something else that
reflects your sense of humor and yourself. If the ad allows
you a "subject line" also use that well... "Need woman in
Atlanta" doesn't cut it. "Atlanta man on a mission" sounds
more interesting. "Atlanta Knight seeks his Queen" tells a
different story about who you are seeking. Use your username
and subject line to hook people into your ad. Use humor,
drama, a funky metaphor. Then, like any good ad, you want to
show them you are what they need, show them why you are
unique, and invite them to take action... by emailing you!

DETAILS. Write in complete sentences. Spelling and grammar
DO count. We have modern tools to help with that. You want
to look like you find this task important enough to spell
out the words. Unless you are 15 years old, writing "If u r
inrested n me, wrt 2 me" makes you LOOK 15 years old. ALL
CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING... don't. It is actually harder to
read.

HONESTY. If you are not honest with yourself and others,
you will not find happiness in the personals. Are you
married? You know, people CAN figure that out and will
resent the lie more than the wedding ring. Without making
any value judgements, putting down "married" will not
necessarily stop you from finding matches. If you are just
looking for a casual date, don't imply that you are looking
for marriage just to get more email... it wastes everyone's
time. If you are looking for a long-term thing, don't think
you can "convince" a casual date to spend more time with
you. You are asking for disappointment. Try completing this
sentence: "In a year, I'd like to see us doing...."

STRINGS. Guys, I see many you making a crucial mistake in
your profiles. You will find that women are seldom looking
for a "no strings relationship." There simply is no such
thing... if it is a relationship, it has strings of SOME
sort. If you don't want strings, you are looking for an
escort service. Women of any description can find casual
physical relationships without lifting a finger to a
keyboard. Don't lie, but think about which "strings" are
okay with you. "Seeking Torrid Summer Romance" is fine and
honest. So is, "I am not eager to move in or get married. I
want to have a regular date for parties and cookouts with my
friends." Ladies, this counts for you, too. If your
personal ad sounds like you might be offering paid sexual
services, you are going to get some rude offers. You might
avoid phrases like, "looking for a wealthy man with good
taste in jewelry."

BEYOND PHYSICAL. Have you ever really dated someone just
for their eye color? OK, maybe you have spectacular
eyeballs. But ads tend to reel off personal stats... and
then stop there, as though there were nothing but a body.
Most personal sites let you click things to describe your
eyes, hair, and height... don't waste valuable profile space
on your hair. Talk about who you are first, and what you
look like at the end. Want to know the number one thing
surveyed women look for in a guy? A sense of humor.

AVOID NEGATIVES. This is not the place to list all the
things that drove you crazy about your ex and how you won't
put up with that again. Don't list what you don't want...
discuss what you DO want. Turn your own lifestyle quirks
into positives, not obstacles. Workaholic? Try, "My career
keeps me very busy, so I need someone with a flexible
schedule for spontaneous one-day adventures." Frugal to a
fault? Try "I find it amusing to squeeze a nickel 'til it
screams... help me research for my web column "CheapDates
for CheapSkates." Worried people will regard your children
as an obstacle? "My family is very important to me and I
hope to find someone that will enjoy the attention of a warm
family circle."

POST A PHOTO. Website statistics show that an ad with a
photo is 80% more likely to get a response. A photo that
shows you relaxed and having fun, no matter what you look
like, is even better. Don't use a photo that isn't current..
it isn't worth looking so insecure, or being rejected later.
Don't rush to ask for a photo... you may look like a "pic
trader," someone who is collecting photos rather than
looking for a real date. Don't stress about your looks...
attraction is about more than looks. Yes, we often are first
attracted to someone by looks, when we meet in person. But
on the Internet, if you seem like a jerk, you won't get the
chance to meet in person.

LIFE STAGES. People often say that "age" is not as
important as "life stage." Where are you in your life? Just
starting out in a new career? Settled into life with kids?
Empty-nesting? Exploring new interests? These are things
that matter. Talk about what is important in your life. "I
am established in my career and now turning my attention to
the great books I never had time to read." "I moved to this
state for a job after college, and I am looking for dates
with a lot of outdoors-loving friends to help me build a
sporty new social circle."

FAVORITE THINGS. Listing ALL your favorite things is
dizzying.. Choose one good example and talk about why you
like it. Choose something that gives the reader an insight
into what you enjoy. You want people to be able to spot
things you have in common, but also feel that there is
something new and interesting to learn about you. Interest
them in learning more with a "teaser" about something
fascinating about you. Ask a question for them to answer in
the reply email.

RULES. Never... NEVER include your last name, phone number
or address. Observe the rules of the various websites...
some do not allow you to post web addresses or email
addresses. Many prohibit crude language or sexual
references. Getting your ad removed by breaking rules is a
waste of time.

So... let your personality be shown in a tasteful way, take
the time to do a good job, and have a good photo. Those
things alone will put you far ahead of the misspelled
anonymous pack. Best of luck!

© Dateable.com LLC 2002