This exercise also develops a common vocabulary to help you
describe body parts and touch techniques. Take turns showing each other how you like to be touched.
Touch Me Like This
Time for Exercise: 20 minutes to several hours
Properties Required: water, oil, or silicone lubricants and sex toys (optional)
Steps:
Invite your lover to an erotic demonstration of some ways you would like to be touched sexually.
Set a time frame or leave time open-ended and see what develops.
Be
specific in showing and telling your lover what you want. Experiment
with using proper anatomical names for body parts (e.g., vulva, vagina,
penis, perineum) and exotic Eastern terms (e.g., lingam and yoni, jewel
and lotus, jade stalk and cinnabar gate) as well as slang terms (e.g.,
prick and pussy) and your own playful names (e.g., dashing warrior and
juicy peach blossom). Use words that turn you on and are clearly
understandable for your partner.
In addition to
naming the part to be touched, you can also give the process,
technique, movement, and so on a name. Use one you have found in a book
or video, or one you make up, e.g., the “corkscrew” for manually
stimulating the penis or “feather touch” for stroking the inside of a
woman’s thighs.
Give specific instructions for
direction, speed, and pressure. Examples: clockwise, counterclockwise,
circular, up and down, in and out; slow, agonizingly slow, slow with
stops, fast, very fast; and light, feather light, almost not touching,
firm, hard, bruising.
Variations:
Take turns showing each other how you like to be touched.
Demonstrate how you prefer to use lubricants and sex toys, such as dildos, anal plugs, anal beads, vibrators.
Comments:
Be sure you both understand this is a playful activity that has nothing
to do with judgment or control. It is about adding variety and
stimulating your lover’s creativity. Showing your lover how you want to
be touched does not mean that you do not like the way you are touched
now. This exercise also develops a common vocabulary to help you
describe body parts and touch techniques, making it much easier to
communicate effectively in a playful, non-threatening way during
lovemaking.
Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship
Tantra. They regularly host lover's romantic weekends near Ottawa
Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations. For more info Visit www.tantra-sex.com, www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com and their blog www.askaboutloveandsex.com or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com
