I Want My Ex Back – Is That Smart?

One of my girlfriends came to me and said, “I want my ex back. Is that smart?”  I smothered my chuckle deep in my throat and said, “Girlfriend, you tell me if that’s smart.  Give me five reasons why that would be smart?”

 She slowly and deliberately listed them for me:

 I love him.

I know him.

I trust him.

I’ve already broken him in.

I’m a perfect fit for him.

 “Honey,” I said, “sounds like you’re talking about your favorite sweater. Alright, now tell me 5 reasons why that would be dumb.”

He’s hurt me with the breakup

He’s not ready for marriage

He wants more time with his friends

He’s obsessed with his career

He doesn’t tell me how he feels

 Interesting.  I pointed out to her that all the smart reasons are from her perspective and all the dumb reasons were about him.  She deliberated with that for a while. 

 I told her to try to reverse it and list 5 smart reasons that are about him and 5 dumb reasons that are about her.  She really struggled with it and finally asked me, Well, what’s your point?

I told her that maybe she hasn’t taken the time to look at the breakup from both sides.  I asked her to consider what his smart and dumb reasons would be.  Would they be about him or about her? 

I suggested that, when she is able to communicate from both her and his perspectives she’ll be able to answer the question.  More important, with that ability, any chance of getting back with her ex will be greatly improved.