Staying in Touch With the In-Laws After Your Divorce

I was in the middle of a discussion about the fact that I was divorcing my wife, when my mother-in-law hit me with words I've never forgotten: "Well, Len, you can divorce her, but you cannot divorce me."

You, my reader, are probably a younger person than I am. But you will one day recognize what I'm going to tell you right now. Becoming a grandparent is the high point of a lifetime that is full of experience, and your children are one of the best of those experiences.

Having a child is wonderful, and when you have your own child, somehow, someway a sense of responsibility comes up from inside you. You want that child to have a better life than you did. You are willing to sacrifice yourself to make that happen. You want that child to be happier than you were and you get very creative in making that happen. You do want your kid to have a fast array of experiences: different foods, wonderful classes, a variety of activities. You make some of these things "have tos" and you work them into your budget because you want the best for your children.

Grandparents play a role in all this, too. They want your children to have what you want them to have for the most part. They buy the child birthday and holiday gifts at your suggestion. They might hold a different opinion than you as to what your child needs, but for the most part, they try to provide as you'd like to see that child provided for.

Basically, aside from the gifts and the events, something wonderful happens inside a grandparent from the time they gave birth to you until the time you give birth to their grandchild. They learn a lot. They've become confident. They can see the patterns that run through life. They know that many of the things you want for your children (and they wanted for you) are not as important as they once thought.

Better still, they already know what is most needed. They know that your baby only requires one thing from them - unconditional love - and they love to give that to your baby, their grandchild. And your child needs that unconditional love. They need someone to love them without any other expectations such as you have for them: homework doesn't have to be done at grandmas house; pets don't need to be fed; bed making doesn't have to be mandated. It's all about "being with" your grandparent and being loved while in his presence.

Grandparents know that playing is important and they have more time to play with your kids than you do. Grandparents love to teach your kids how to garden, or make cookies, or build a birdhouse .... things you can't attend to because you're too busy with cleaning, cooking, paying bills, doing the laundry, maintaining the house, etc.

So if the ugly specter of divorce is in your life, don't take away from your kids the experience of having loving grandparents. They deserve to form a relationship with them and to be loved by them. Grandparents are the greatest. Your mother-in-law will thank you. As she loves your kids, she will be teaching them how to love unconditionally themselves.