How Do We Part With Love In Our Hearts?

If you’ve had a relationship end in the past, you know how difficult it can be to part with love in your heart.  But sometimes, it can be done…

When my ex-husband and I signed our divorce papers, we performed a ceremony together … a ‘parting’ ceremony, so to speak, that acknowledged our past as well as releasing each other to the future.

We had been separated for ten months and although we’d certainly gone through our share of pain and grieving, we did it in such a way that it was a loving, conscious, connected, compassionate, and graceful parting.

We decided to do a ceremony to celebrate and honor the relationship we’d had for the past seven years, and to also honor the newly transformed relationship we now had after our divorce.  We still loved each other and intended to maintain the close and connected friendship we had always had.

People ask me all the time, how we were able to go through this entire experience in such a loving way.

The answer is… it took conscious intention and a lot of work on both our parts.  The easier route would have been to move into blame and anger, and not continue close contact with each other.

But my goal from the beginning was to wade through all my emotions and keep an open heart through the process.  I knew if I didn’t allow everything that was inside to rise to the surface, I would not only be hindering my own healing and growth, but it would be impossible for me to move on to the next relationship in my life.

So instead, we chose to cry together, and hold each other as we each grieved and moved through the sadness and feelings of loss.  We shared all of our feelings… and talked and talked and talked, until we got to the other side and moved into a different kind of love for each other.

It was an amazing and transforming experience.

I discovered that I could stand in love for him and still be wide open to whatever the Universe brought to me.  They say love can heal all if we allow it to.  If we can open our arms to it and embrace it, and let go of the ‘conditions’ we place on it.  The conditions we think we need in order for it to make us happy.  The truth is that my continuing to love my husband isn’t so much about him, it’s about me and who I choose to be in this relationship.

As my husband and I did our ‘parting ceremony’, I recited this beautiful prayer I modified from Marianne Williamson’s book, “Enchanted Love,” and I held the love I had felt for my husband in a sacred space in my heart.

“Dear God,

We place this marriage and this divorce in Your hands.  Heal our hearts, dear God, and heal our children.

We release each other in love, and we bless each other forever.

Help us to forgive the past, to see the beauty and innocence in ourselves and each other.

We thank each other for the good times, and forgive each other for everything else.

May nothing in the past, except its blessing, remain with either one of us.

We thank each other for the many gifts, and vow to hold them in our hearts forever.

In this moment, may our relationship be reborn, to serve this new season of our lives.

May Your Spirit guide us, and bless us, all the days of our lives.”

In all your relationships, in your coming together and in your parting, I wish you all the love your heart can hold as you walk through every transition in life.

Byron Katie says the greatest expression of unconditional love is when you can say to another person, “I want for you what you want for you.”  I hold that for my ex-husband, and I hold that for each of you as well.

What does unconditional love mean to you?

Is there a relationship in the past that needs completion so you can move on to a new and even more wonderful love in the future?

If there is, approach it with love, and allow the healing to happen so you can move into your next relationship with an open, embracing heart of all that is possible. 

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