A History of Emotional Wounds: The Inability to Love
Not everyone is meant to follow society’s norms and live a conventional life. Not all are equipped for a happy married existence like most people. Some are just not built this way. There are ind...
Not everyone is meant to follow society’s norms and live a conventional life. Not all are equipped for a happy married existence like most people. Some are just not built this way. There are individuals who fail to realize stable relationships simply because they do not completely understand what it is. And the reason for this is they did not witness it themselves in their own homes.
There are people who never learned to trust because they were not provided adequate necessities for survival. They never learned patience due to excessive and strict demands. They never learned to care because when they were in desperate need of help, there was no one there to give it. They never learned to be faithful because the people who were meant to be their role models were themselves disloyal. And how can they understand what a healthy and stable relationship is when all they can remember are the constant and never-ending arguments at home?
It is the simple and plain truth that one cannot give what one never had. This is the sad reality of people whose lives were destroyed before they even began. It is for this reason that there are those who cannot love even if they try.
Yet many still make an effort to enter into relationships believing that they have learned from their unfortunate experiences. But as much they deny and repress the existence of these character flaws, their failings will unavoidably surface and ruin whatever they attempt to build. No amount of love they receive will suffice because the emptiness runs deep. Thus, their relationships are almost always doomed to fail.
Some however, after a number of failed attempts at building relationships are finally able to recognize their inability to love. They have come to accept it and instead withdraw and become emotionally distant. And this is one reason why there are people who choose to live alone.
Recognizing one’s emotional wounds is the first step towards rebuilding oneself. Realizing that romantic relationships cannot fill the void left by a history of neglect and mistreatment is necessary in order to begin the healing process. Once this realization is made, it therefore becomes a choice between living a life of solitude and seeking help in order to heal.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is the author of Transcendence: Essays For Personal Reflection. His blog can be found at Meanings and Perceptions.