Conscious Choosing

I was talking to a very nice young man last week, a self-employed graphic designer, married with two kids. As he talked about his work, there was a glimmer in his eyes and real excitement in his voice. It was clear that he’s passionate about what he does.

Then out of the blue, he said sadly, "I'm thinking about getting out of the business."

"Why?" I asked. "It's obvious you love your career."

"Yeah, I really love it. I'm good at it and my clients love me. I'm just not making any money. If things keep going the way they are, I'll be deep in debt within a year--too deep to get out. I don't have the stomach for that."

"Wait a second," I said. "There are plenty of people out there making a great living doing the same kind of work."

"Well, I'm not them," he said. I looked at him over my glasses like a schoolmarm. "You're undercutting yourself, aren't you? Not charging what you're worth?" He looked almost relieved, as though his little secret was finally out. "Exactly. I have pretty low self-esteem and I'm working on it, but I shy away from confrontation. Actually it terrifies me."

"What are you afraid might happen if you charge what you and I both know you're worth, and it causes a confrontation?" I asked. "Well, that I'll lose clients, for one - that scares me. But what haunts me is the fear that they won't like me. I know that's silly, but I still feel that way. I'm not sure what to do with that."

While you may not deal with this exact fear, you have irrational fears of your own. They're the ones that aren't justified when you shed the light of day on them, but they still keep you limited in some way. I went skydiving several years ago. I clearly remember standing at the door of the plane, looking 14,000 feet down, with a professional strapped to my back. My rational mind said yes, but my instincts said no way. That experience carried a huge amount of self-discovery that never would have been possible had I not gone through with it. I couldn't have talked myself into a new understanding of myself; it took the conscious choice of falling out of an airplane to make it happen. The more I work with myself and clients, the more I realize that fears and beliefs are not something you shift by thinking about them. Certainly, being mindful of your limitations is essential to the process, but the best way I know to build confidence is to identify the fear, and then do the thing that scares you. By doing so, you're proving to yourself (or your inner-saboteur) that the fear isn't true or justified. You're proving that you're capable of breaking down all your old limitations that don't serve you any more. Here are some steps for Conscious Choosing:

1. Focus on your vision of the thing you want.

What will life be like when you've hit that goal, or reached that milestone? For my friend, he'll be able to raise his rates and continue the business that he loves. And, he'll be straight with his clients and himself about the value of his work, growing not only his business and income, but also his confidence and self-esteem.

2. Separate the irrational fear from the real risk.

"My clients won't like me," is an irrational fear, but also a real risk. On the other hand, appeasing clients just to be liked is no way to go through life. The real risk is being held back by fears.

3. Understand the action steps you want to take.

"I will double my rates within four months." It should be bold without being ridiculous.

4. Do it.

No apologizing, no second guessing yourself, no backing down. Just do it.

5. Stay conscious.

Notice what happened as a result of your choices. Especially reflect on the fact that the world didn't fall apart. I'm willing to bet that the biggest result you'll see will be a huge sense of pride, freedom, confidence, and a desire to keep blowing down those old doors. After all, the only real truth is the one you're creating every day of your life. Might as well be conscious along the way, right? Until next month, I wish you much courageous action. RJ