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Courtship: Why Hurry?

In today's modern world, technology has diluted the courtship process leading to hastily entered relationships that fail in the end.

All romantic involvements begin with communication. †But romantic communication through the widespread use of mobile gadgets has somehow greatly diminished and diluted the courtship stage. Nowadays, many couples hastily enter into relationships simply on the basis of texts and online messaging.

However, the problem with a hastily-entered relationship is that the couple’s familiarity with each other tends to be rather shallow. The romantic process requires a period where the would-be couple is allowed the opportunity to get to know one another. And this is where courtship plays a role. Sadly, hastily-entered relationships reveal the couple’s foolishness soon enough. This occurs when the couple begins to discover things about each other that they are unable to tolerate.

When you start to realize that your partner possesses undesirable attributes, sometimes changes in the behavior of the other are quickly demanded. ††But, you should not enter into a romantic involvement with a desire to change the other person. A relationship that begins this way is doomed from the beginning.

When you can no longer tolerate the behavior of your partner, you might say, ‘if you love me, you will change for me.’ And you may even believe that you have a point there. But the reality of it is, no one has the right to make such demands. Because the other person can simply respond by saying, ‘ if you love me you will accept me.’

That is why a lengthy courtship is encouraged, so that the would-be couple can deepen their understanding of each other and be given a chance to adjust to their possible differences. If during the courtship period one of them realizes that their differences are far too great and efforts toward mutual adjustment are unsatisfactory, then that’s when they part ways. †And the courtship ends with no regrets.

Even in today’s world, courtship should not lose its relevance. In factScience Articles, it remains an important means of discovering whether a future couple will be happy or miserable in the end. †

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Frederick Fabella, PhD is a research director and a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is the author of Transcendence: Essays For Personal Reflection. His blog can be found at Meanings and Perceptions.

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