How do you hide from hurting? Although pain and hurt are unavoidable for anyone who is really
alive, suffering is unnecessary and avoidable.
Novocain
How do you dull your emotional pain? How do you hide from hurting?
Time for Exercise: five to 15 minutes
Properties Required: none
Steps:
Identify any strategies you use to dull, deny, avoid, or
suppress emotional pain. The first step for healing emotional pain is
to allow yourself to feel it.
Once you have identified what the
pain is and where it comes from, you can take action to heal it at its
source. Common pain-avoidance strategies include:
improper/excessive/addictive use of drugs; other kinds of addictive
behavior (e.g., with food, sex, power, and violence); obsession with
control; wild outbursts of anger, disproportional to the events or
circumstances that triggered the anger; excessive talking; avoiding
socializing with family, friends, and neighbors; quick judgments about
the inadequacy, incompetence, and insensitivity of others; excessive
shyness; avoiding all emotional discomfort; seeking pleasure above all
else as the only important aspect of life; rigid inflexibility on
issues where there are different points of view; trying to win at any
cost; never admitting you are wrong; never admitting you made a
mistake; never admitting when you don't know; and never allowing
yourself to cry.
Identify your pain avoidance strategies, including when and how you use them, and what you use them for.
Once you have identified pain avoidance strategies, the next time
you are tempted to use them, stop yourself, and make a conscious
decision to allow yourself to admit to yourself that you are hurting,
afraid, or in pain. Allow yourself to feel these sensations fully.
Look to the trigger, source, or cause of the pain and ask yourself these questions: "How can I heal the cause of this pain?" "Is there any change in behavior that is required on my part?" "Is there some apology I need to make to someone?" "Is there something I need to ask for from somebody?" "Is there some way I can relinquish my attempts to control the situation?" "Is there someone I need to forgive?" "Do I need to forgive myself for something?" "Do I need to allow myself to cry?" "Do I need to talk to someone?" "Do I need to seek some form of therapy?" "Do I need to record my struggle in a personal growth journal?" "Are there changes I need to make in my life?"
Expand on answers to the last question above by considering
specific areas of life: where I work, where I live, who I live with,
who I socialize with, how I spend my free time, and how I take care of
myself (eating, sleeping, drugs, alcohol, hygiene, bad habits, watching
television, exercise, meditation, prayer, memberships, volunteering,
helping others, handling money, saying "no").
Comments:
Although pain and hurt are unavoidable for anyone who is really
alive, suffering is unnecessary and avoidable. The cause of suffering
is the failure to deal with the cause of pain. Suffering only exists in
the absence of healing.
We encourage you to allow yourself to feel everything—not only the
good feelings but the bad ones as well. The way to deal effectively
with bad feelings/negative emotions is to heal the cause. It is neither
helpful to suppress or cover up your hurting nor to pretend you are
well when you are really in pain. Denial of pain only increases your
suffering.
Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship
Tantra. They regularly host lover's romantic weekends near Ottawa
Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations. For more info Visit www.tantra-sex.com, www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com and their blog www.askaboutloveandsex.com or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com
