You know when you meet charismatic and compelling people. They exude a personal power that’s hard to miss. You can ‘feel’ their presence as they enter a room and both male and female heads turn. For some, this magnetism is as natural as organic food whilst for others it can be developed over time.
Sitting here today in sunny Queensland Australia, I’m reflecting on what makes one person more attractive than another. Not just by physical attraction, but what makes them captivating. I’ve met absolutely gorgeous guys and girls that after spending five minutes with them, I’m already trying to find my escape route.
An occasion I remember as clearly as if it were yesterday, happened about 25 years ago. A friend of mine invited my family to visit him at a television station he worked at in Sydney. Of course we jumped at the chance! It’s not every day you got such an opportunity!
We were met at the gate and were led down a corridor on the way to a sound stage. As I was passing by a room with an open door, I noticed blonde haired lady was having her hair done. It was Pamela Stephenson (Dr Pamela Connolly), wife of Billy Connolly. Our eyes met and she smiled at me. Her smile radiated the most amazing brilliant light which extended into and filled the entire dressing room! It was as if I was in the presence of an angel! Although I haven’t followed her life, I vividly remember that ‘it’ quality about her.
Jennifer Hawkins has the ‘it’ quality as well. When she smiles she absolutely radiates with light. I have yet to speak with any woman who feels threatened by her or has said anything nasty about her.
John Travolta is another who is extremely charismatic and has the ‘it’ factor.
For me personally, I’m attracted to people who are confident, kind, humorous, smart and at peace with themselves.
So how can you get some of whatever ‘it’ is?
1. Peaceful individual’s – those standing in their personal power - are relaxing to be around, so if you’re not peaceful, get some meditation in, or yoga, tai chi, anything really that involves stilling the mind. Once you know how, apply it across all parts of your life. Tap into peace whenever you need and want.
2. Self-confidence is a huge attractor. Start moving out of your comfort zone by taking baby steps first. Increase the size of your steps as you become more familiar with what it is you’re doing. I started to manage my website several months ago and this was very scary in the beginning. As I gradually became more adept my confidence in my ability grew and continues to do so.
3. Self-love follows closely behind the self-confidence. When you have love of self like a ripple on a pond it will permeate across all time and space.
4. Positive people inspire and motivate me. However, before you go ahead and start a huge positive talk fest with anyone and everyone, check out the mood of others around you. There’s nothing worse than listening to someone talking to you about fabulously positive and great things if you’re walking the dark night of the soul. Meet (or match) others where they’re at first, then gradually build up the positive talk and watch the relationship unfold.
5. More on matching body gestures…move in unison with people, breath using their rhythm, always subtly and always with respect.
6. This is one point I always mention because of its importance. Be in the present moment. When you start a conversation with someone or they with you, be attentive, curious and interested in what they’re saying. If you’re matching their facial expressions remember to stop smiling and nodding when they’re talking about something they find very distressing (unless you have a close relationship with them…).
7. Start reading newspapers, magazines, books (fiction and non-fiction). Then you will always have something to talk about. Find out what others are talking about.
8. Share some of yourself with others – not too much at the beginning of new relationships, and never reveal your entire life history in your first conversation!
9. Smile! A sincere smile is when it reaches your eyes.
10. Use your sense of humour, just make sure it’s at an appropriate time and place. I once opened a speaking engagement with a funny story - all I heard were crickets! My next words were “moving right along now….”
This list isn’t exhaustive, there’s more you can do but if you start practicing the above, you’re on you way to having some ‘it’ too!
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