How to Keep the Lid on Holiday Stress without Boiling Over

If we are to believe the media, our fall and winter holidays should be a magic time when loving families come together, dreams come true, and all expectations are met.  While this might happen during prime time TV, in real life people don’t usually resolve all their problems and live happily ever after in one or two hours. The prolonged season between Thanksgiving and the winter religious holidays is often a time of increased tension, pressure, loneliness, anxiety, and reflection on past failures. Life does not stop just because the calendar turns over. People still get depressed or angry. Tempers flare. Families split up. Conflict continues or escalates.

Why is this? There are several contributing factors. Financial anxieties mount as holiday spending spirals out of control. People run themselves ragged trying to meet unrealistic expectations and deadlines. Complicated family situations and dynamics cause tensions to rise to unbearable levels. Separation from family and friends can cause loneliness and depression. Too much alcohol, rich food and late nights can contribute to weight gain, gastric distress, and even insomnia. Fantasized memories of how things were or how they ought to be can intensify feelings and erode our emotional wellbeing.

What Can You Do About It?

No matter what your circumstances are, the holidays need not be a pressure cooker. Here are 15 ways to help you get through them with your psyche intact.

• Forget about perfection – you can’t please everyone. Accept the fact that things are not always going to go as planned and laugh when they don’t.

• Be flexible about traditions. If honoring them is only going to add more stress, don’t.

• Set differences aside but consider family issues when planning gatherings.  If you know someone will drink too much and behave badly, plan a non-alcoholic breakfast or brunch instead of dinner.

• Stick to a budget and enforce your spending limits. If not, you’ll be stressed for the rest of the year trying to pay off your bills. Gifts need not be expensive to be personal and meaningful.

• Avoid being pressured into traveling if you can’t afford it. Have an honest conversation with your family and plan to have a celebration at your own home. If you travel purely out of guilt, both you and your wallet will suffer for it.

• Eat and drink in moderation but pick another time to start a diet. A strict deprivation routine in the midst of holiday delicacies and temptations is a formula for failure and will only add further stress.

• Ask guests to contribute food for special dinners and holiday parties. There is no reason for you to do all the cooking when most people are happy to bring something.

• Live in the present. People and events are seldom as glorified as we remember them. Norman Rockwell moments exist only in pictures. Stop fantasizing about the past and comparing what once existed to what is here and now. All that matters is now. 

• Plan ahead. Give yourself plenty of time to run errands, wrap and mail gifts, and prepare food. This in itself will help you stay calmer and more centered.

• Avoid getting caught in the last minute shopping stampede when you are likely to make poorer choices and spend more than you want. 

• Prioritize. Not every task is of equal importance and you can’t be expected to do everything.  Learn to say no.

• Seek out kindred souls and spend time with them.  Reach out to others—isolation breeds depression. 

• Acknowledge and honor your feelings. If you are not in a celebratory mood, it’s okay. You are not the only one.

• Give yourself time out for recharging.  At a time when the potential for stress is the greatest, it is vitally important to schedule time for yourself. Get a massage, meditate, schedule a Reiki session or take a yoga class.

• Learn to use a stress management technique such as self hypnosis or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help relieve day to day pressures and keep your emotions under control.