Life Changes

One of the purpose of change is to shake off the complacency our egos have carefully developed. Complacency is a mask that covers up fear, self-doubt, and unexamined issues. We can’t grow well if we get too complacent and don’t make necessary changes.

In his book TRANSITIONS: MAKING SENSE OF LIFE’S CHANGES, William Bridges reminds us that “transition(s) reactivate our old identity crisis. Life changes are the times when we clean house, sweep the porch, and reorganize the basement. Before we can begin something new, we must complete our unfinished business. Otherwise we take that unfinished business into the new direction. For example, we may be bitter about the way someone left us. Our bitterness – although it’s not a healthy connection – may keep us connected to those people who play an outdated but important role in how we define ourselves. (“My ex-husband was a big CEO in the movie industry.” “My wife was a beauty queen in South Carolina.”)

 When we don’t attract the changes we want, it may be because we need to release an outmoded definition of ourselves or rethink a dream that has become old. For example, Mary, a fifty-eight years old professional woman, had been single for sixteen years. After going into therapy to look at why she was not finding someone to love, she realized she was stuck on an old vision of marrying an “age-appropriate CEO-type”. By opening her mind to other types of men, she developed a wonderful relationship with a nurturing blue-collar guy ten years younger than her. Janice had to let go of a dream that was part of an earlier vision of herself. Being open to someone who did not fit her picture of the perfect man allowed life’s intelligence to bring her what she really needed for this stage in life.