Love's Broken Plans
You dream. You hope. You envision goals. You even devise a strategy towards their accomplishment. And you carefully execute these plans you have made. But every now and then one’s expectations w...
You dream. You hope. You envision goals. You even devise a strategy towards their accomplishment. And you carefully execute these plans you have made. But every now and then one’s expectations will come to a disappointing conclusion. Because no matter how careful and patient you are, sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Not everything is under your control. There are possibilities that you did not account for or there are unforeseen changes that occur. Frustration is often the result. And if this particular goal is very significant to you, the more devastated you tend to be.
This is true even in relationships. You make plans with your partner. You conceive of a life together. Promises are made and the future is set. But something suddenly goes wrong. Your partner breaks it off unexpectedly and leaves you behind.
What should you do when this happens? One course of action is to seek answers and find out what mistakes you made. But what if there were no mistakes? What if there are no answers to be had? Then you are left forever wondering what you did wrong. Sometimes believing that it was your fault as to why your partner left may push you to extremes. You may even reach the point where you beg for reconciliation no matter what the cost. Yet this is an act of desperation unworthy of your self-respect.
You have to realize that these options are unacceptable and unhealthy. On the one hand, you end up obsessing about your mistakes. On the other, by chasing after your former partner, you throw away whatever dignity you have left. A relationship takes two people for it to work. Therefore, you cannot take all the blame when it fails. If what you have is real, then no matter how heart-wrenching the issue is between the both of you, love will find a way. But if it is not, then any issue however small will become reason enough to leave the other behind.
To dwell on the past is to live in the past. To try to force a return to happier days gone by would be to concede that the future holds nothing more for you. The only thing you can do when your relationship comes to a disappointing end is to accept that it was never meant to be.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is the author of Transcendence: Essays For Personal Reflection. His blog can be found at Meanings and Perceptions.