Loving Yourself: It Can Transform Your Life

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

This part of the Great Commandment formed the basis of the Golden Rule in western civilization, yet it is not always easy to live by.

At times, it is hard enough to love our neighbor, let alone ourselves! This rule of human conduct addresses the heart of humanity's greatest need - the need for love, and uncovers our difficulty in practicing healthy self-love.

Love is the greatest, most abundant resource in the Universe, yet it is also the least understood and utilized.

It is the essence of Divinity: radiating purely, limitless, and endlessly throughout all time and space. Love is present in the darkest moment of your life even as it is present during the moments of absolute joy.

If love is everywhere, why is it that we are not able to experience its presence continuously?

Just as our eyes see that which we focus on, our hearts receive that which we are tuned into. And for the most part, we have been conditioned to look for what is wrong with ourselves and others rather than to look for what is right. We tend to focus on what is not working in our lives; on the problems and the difficulties we are facing. And as long as we focus on what does not work, we will continue to see our lives as lacking: lacking perfection, abundance or love.

Because of this viewpoint, we tend to find fault with ourselves, with others or with life for what does not seem to work - and so we slide into a mindset of judgment. So often, we judge and criticize others in an effort to get ourselves off the hot seat, knowing full well that we have been guilty of the same - or worse - behavior. Yet even as we judge others, we start building up subconscious guilt over these very judgments. We wait for the other shoe to drop: for the rebuttal, the discovery and judgment of our own faults - the boomerang effect of our own judgmental attitudes... and so we move into fear. The more we judge, the more vulnerable and fearful we get to feel ourselves, afraid to be exposed for our own mistakes and perceived failures.

This downward spiral into judgment and fear forms the core of scarcity consciousness and it begets more of the same. It comes from having our focus fixed inappropriately on the world of effects around us, instead of reconnecting to the world of cause or Spirit.

Wouldn't you love to exchange these limiting lenses for something that offers you a more meaningful viewpoint instead?

Instead of focusing on what doesn't work, you can change the way you look at things and allow the awareness of a higher perspective to guide you. You can choose to align with your true nature of love, created in the image of your Creator. From this starting point - your true nature as love - you can begin to see things differently. All true change starts with that basic choice!

Once you acknowledge Divinity at the core of your being, you can start changing the way you have interpreted life by relinquishing the need to see things in the simplistic terms of duality: right or wrong, good or bad, desirable or despicable. Instead, become aware of all the nuances in between, and realize that there are many more options along the spectrum than you had perhaps been aware of.

Even more importantly, recognize that all options along the spectrum form part of the reality you call life. It simply is what it is, and your judgment does not make it more or less so. By seeing that everything simply is part of the continuous unfolding of the Universe, you are restoring your focus to see the big picture and you can let go of the innate tendency to judge.

Since everything simply is what it is, your judgment does not make it more or less so. Instead, judgment changes you into a mirror image of that which you judge, because we become whatever we focus on!

Instead of judging, then, you can choose to forgive instead: forgive yourself for your role in focusing on what appears not to work and thereby creating a world of pain and suffering; forgive others for not fulfilling the expectations you may have had of them. As you start forgiving, the brittleness within starts softening until all fear is released and you live in a field of love.

To help us along this journey of personal transformation, we have been blessed with teachers in the form of the relationships in our lives. It is through relationships that we grow as individuals, because they offer us the opportunity to see ourselves reflected. They show you - in real time and upfront - how what you put out, is reflected back at you. Relationships can represent either a crucible of judgment, fear and pain; or they can show you the way to self-perfection. The choice is yours.

How can you approach relationships as a tool to discover that who you are is all you need to be?

The way you look at yourself will determine, to a large part, the way you treat other people. If you and I view human beings as nothing more than a pattern of conditional responses, then we will try to make people fit with our goals, and that leads to conflict and disappointment.

There exists the potential for pure goodness in the worst of us, and there exists the potential for pure evil in the best of us. When you observe someone acting from a place that does not reflect their core of pure goodness, recognize this fact so you can choose to no longer judge them. Instead, recognize that they are acting from a lesser place of fear or judgment within, and then reinterpret their behavior as a call for love. Allow compassion for them to arise within because you recognize that you, too, have the potential to act from the lesser part within.

As human beings created in the image of our Loving Creator, we are all equal, for we are all part of the One and of one another. I am able to see the weakness in the other only because that same potential exists in me. You can only see in the other that which already exists in you.

Apply this principle the next time you see someone acting in a way that causes judgment or resistance to arise within you. Simply ask forgiveness for that aspect in you that you have recognized in them. Instead of judging the other for their behavior, you can now give thanks to them for showing you the part in yourself that needed healing. When you do this, Love flows into old wounds that were scabbed over by judgment and fear, and heals them.

The "ugliness" which you saw in the other, now becomes a gift. It graciously offered you the opportunity for healing and self-perfection. Now gratitude and love can flow to bring healing to yourself first, and then to the other. No longer do you stand in a place of judgment and criticism; for you now see yourself as neither better nor worse. By forgiving yourself the weakness you see in the other, you are able to love yourself with compassion and lovingkindness.

When you come from this loving place, you are finally ready to practice the Golden Rule of loving your neighbor as yourself.

The practice of self-forgiveness frees you up in a powerful way to forgive others. Likewise, as you learn to look at yourself with gentle lovingkindness and love, you will be able to look at others in the same way. The more we practice self-forgiveness and self-love, the more we are able to let Divine Love flow through us to everyone around.

This practice is not always easy to do, because it requires us to step back from conditioned notions of how things are supposed to look. It is helpful to keep in mind that every truth we discover about ourselves enlarges our relationship with life, and expands our capacity to truly live.

Ultimately, the more you can see yourself mirrored in others around you, the more compassion and forgiveness you will experience for both yourself and others, freeing up the love within you so you can live by the Golden Rule.