The U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was quoted in the New York Times as as saying that she sometimes found her comments ignored in the justices' private conferences until a male justice made the same point. She said the experience recalled her early years as a female lawyer, when her comments in group discussions were not properly valued by her male colleagues.
Women in business know that this is a common occurrence - they'll make a suggestion at a meeting that's met with silence,
only to see a man make the same point a few minutes later, to hearty approval and congratulations. After giving a speech recently, a young woman approached me to ask for advice on this topic. Having graduated college at the top of her class, she was used to getting excellent marks for her ideas rather than having them ignored. In the working world, however, she could only get her ideas implemented if they were subsequently suggested by a male colleague. She was not only confused, but indignant at the injustice of it all. I've heard women of all ages and stations discuss this problem, yet it is a phenomenon that men can't believe exists!
Unfortunately, this happens to a lot to women, especially when they are just starting out. By the time I'd been in a company or department for a few years I had lots of credibility - the guys not only acknowledged my ideas, but would be quick to piggy-back on them, with a lot of sentences starting with, "Just like Betty-Ann said..." Whenever that happened, I knew I had finally made it with the group. Still, each time I started with a new organization I had the same experiences as our young friend. I've found that it's worse in a more hierarchical work environment where people are always looking to elevate their position in the pecking order; it's less likely to occur in a more collaborative office where idea exchange happens more freely.
I've heard some women suggest that we should always call the group to be accountable by saying, "Excuse me, but didn't I just say that?" While it's tempting to stick up for ourselves, I think this can backfire by making us sound like we are whining and not being team players. Instead, I think it's better to prevent it from happening in the first place. Here are a couple of ideas for that:
1. Brush up on your communication skills. Too many women say things softly, don't project their voices or allow their voices to rise at the end of a comment, making it sound like a question rather than a suggestion. None of these presentation methods will inspire others to salute your idea. By contrast, men will speak with more authority, developing and expanding the idea so it is more enticing. Their more confident, dominating style encourages others to fall in line. Women, being polite, will also tend to wait their turn to speak and will allow others to take the floor if they are interrupted. Doing this doesn't inspire much confidence - people assume that the woman's ideas can't be all that good if she isn't ready to fight for them.
I remember once being in a meeting and making a suggestion that wasn't favored by a fellow I worked with. He couldn't contain his disapproval, squirmed in his chair and then jumped in before I was finished. I simply ignored him and carried on making my points. Continuing to talk and asserting my opinion was a successful strategy, as my adversary eventually realized that he wasn't looking good and backed off while I completed my comments.
2. Build a team of supporters. It's critical to cultivate others that you can turn to (both inside and outside meetings). Steve Phillip, an executive coach for women, says that it's not enough for a woman to raise a point and expect others to take it on board and respond. To ensure that her point is understood and accepted, she needs to initiate a response from specific individuals around the table, especially those with whom she shares a good level of mutual respect. For example, she could follow up her suggestion by saying, "Rob what are your thoughts on that?" Steve says that by directly engaging one or two of her supporters a woman has a better chance of getting her point across and improving the level of respect from all those attending the meeting. Deborah Nixon, a trust coach, agrees. Organizations run on networks of relationships, so Deborah says successful individuals will create a team by building trust with others. We all have goals, and if we want to reach them, it's important to assess who can help you get heard.
Self-Awareness is the first Stilletto Step, and women need to be aware of the issues they are facing in getting heard and the things that they can do to make themselves more visible. Awareness is the first step in making change. If you are open to the process, accept the reality of the situation, and institute some of these tactics, you'll make progress in being heard. Won't it be wonderful to be recognized for your contributions?
