Fatimah Musa

How to forgive an abusive parent.

Once you forgive, you feel a sense of relief.

Accepting his or her weakness.

Some fathers or mothers treat their children based on their memories on how they were treated. Some others have been brought up in an environment where they could not model good examples and show affection and love. They then grew up bringing these memories into their present. They have not learned to forgive and forget.

Recall pleasant moments.

In a lifetime, your parent does not always abuse you. He or she may have done that when his or her state of mind and emotions were disturbed and in turmoil. Try to recall at least one pleasant moment when he or she was nice and treated you well. Each time your mind brings back the thought of an abusive parent, "swish" it back to this pleasant moment.

Release your old hurt and blame.

Ask yourself where the hurt is leading you and why are you still keeping them inside. Relax and sit quietly for a few minutes each day and let go of those feelings inside you.

Live in the present moment.

Know that each one of us is only visiting on this planet. Our life is short and it is of no use to keep grudges forever. Everything will pass and the best you can do is savor the present moment. Don't allow your old hurt to ruin the rest of your life.

Become the role model.

Work on yourself. Focus on what you can do to make life better for you and those whom you care and cherish. Become the example and the role model for those after you.

Forgive yourself.

For things to change, you got to change. And for you to be able to forgive, you need to forgive yourself and remove whatever blame and anger you have inside.

Express yourself.

Write about it, talk about it often. The pain you feel rages inside you like a demon. Or, like a neglected child cowering in the corner, it needs to express itself. Listen to it. The more you do this, the less it will feel un-loved. However, don't let yourself feel worthless. Keep trying, keep going. It will take time, but eventually, it will die down.

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