How to Stop Entering Relationships Which Hurt

Do you find yourself entering into the same type of relationships again and again? Ones which just end up in tears leaving you feeling hurt and drained? Or perhaps ones which make you feel so low and down that it's hard to get out of bed in the morning? Or maybe relationships in which you spend your waking hours acting as a doormat, feeling the imprint of muddy boots wiped across your face?

Have you spent endless hours in your attempt to work out the secret of why you keep on walking into these bad relationships, eyes wide open and yet still not seeing where you are heading? Nobody really likes pain and seeks out pain, although there are hidden "benefits" which those who self harm set out to gain; but that is another story. Human beings are highly motivated by the pain-pleasure principle, meaning that we do our best to avoid pain and find pleasure.

So why keep entering into relationships which effectively give you a hard slap across your face and leave your skin stinging and your emotions smarting? If you have identified with any of what I have just said you will know that your mind goes round and around in circles, leaving you feeling as if your head is spinning. You just cannot see straight. Ultimately you know what you want; you want to be happy. You just don't know how to get there.

You think that getting into a great relationship will make you happy. You want to be in a perfect relationship and perhaps you want this so badly that in seeing what you want to see you are blinded to the reality of the situation. There are many different "dynamics" which may be at play here.

The excitement of the relationship may keep you from focusing on other feelings which you are trying to avoid facing. Because the relationship is bad, you never get to feel secure and so you get more emotionally involved in your attempt to "make it work"; the harder you try to "fix" the relationship, the less effort your partner makes and the more he or she takes you for granted. The more "needy" you become, the less they need you and the more strung out your emotions become.

The crux of the matter is that you become so busy and focused upon the relationship you don't have the ability to step back and see what lies at the heart of your problem. This cycle began with you looking for happiness. Why weren't you happy? Why did you think that "the relationship" would make you happy?

These are the real questions to ponder over, and as you do you will realize that a lack of confidence is where this negative cycle all began. Once you identify the real issues your head stops to spin and it is as if a fog has relinquished its occupation of your brain cells.

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