How To Tackle That 'Seperation Anxiety'?

Start separations small and do trial runs: Going back to work or leaving for an extended period of time can be hard. I do not recommend trying to take it on all at once.

Before you officially go back to work, try starting the separations for just a few minutes, then work up to a full workday. Go into another room, come back in, and tell your child what a great job she did for not falling apart. Then gradually increase the time between exits and entrances.

This will not completely eliminate the tears as you work up to the full day, but remember you are giving your child wonderful coping skills and this practice will serve you well.

Say goodbye quickly: With my daughters, saying goodbye at daycare was especially difficult on days when I left for extended business trips. I would build up the forthcoming trip, they would get anxious, I would feel guilty, and everyone would be unhappy.

As I knew travel would always be part of my job, I decided I needed to accept it and make a change that would make it more palatable for everyone. So, I turned to my daycare providers for advice. Knowing they had much more experience with separations than I did, I asked them how we could make saying goodbye easier.

Without hesitation, they explained that the most adjusted children have parents that make their departures happy and quick. They refrain from prolonging the transition and get their children quickly settled in a "no-nonsense" sort of way. Although I thought I was showing my love by sitting down, reading a story, or even watching Megan eat breakfast, I was actually only making our morning separations more difficult. I intuitively knew this, but because of my feelings of guilt, I hadn't put this step into practice.

Now, I help my children during morning drop-off periods by saying goodbye quickly and going on my way. This is the same whether I am going to be gone for just the day or for several nights.

"Separation" often begins long before the actual event (daycare drop-off) and its effect, if not managed well, can linger throughout the day. Saying goodbye becomes easier as your child learns to feel more secure, trusts you will always come back, and understands he or she has not done anything to cause your leaving.

Separations are not limited to daytime, so think about incorporating this principle into your bedtime routine as well. With our first two children, we tended to make bedtime a long production: lots of stories, last drinks of water, and adjusting nightlights until they were just right. With Parker, I think because we were more experienced and understood the benefits of saying goodbye quickly, we made the decision to set bedtime at 8 p.m.--without exception. If we had time for extra cuddles, then we spent that extra time together. But if it was late, we skipped those extra steps and Parker went right to bed.

Although it took me three children to get this right, today I have learned this valuable lesson and now, at daycare, I bring in Parker, get him settled, and get moving as quickly as possible. I strongly believe that learning to "say goodbye quickly" is the primary reason for our success.