Three cheers for the Patriot Act!

Three cheers for the Patriot Act!
Copyright © 2004 Andrew Wroblewski
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I'm as patriotic as the next person, maybe even more so if the
next person is the cashier at my local convenience store which
still doesn't seem to employ REAL Americans; but I digress.

Anyway, the rules for being a patriotic American were always a
little bit fuzzy prior to 9/11, so I thank God (can I still
thank Him in America?), that our President and his Attorney
General took the time to put it all down in writing.

What's really amazing is that they were able to encapsulate
everything that it actually means to be an American patriot,
and get it all written down and passed by Congress, only 6
weeks after the World Trade Center was blown all to hell by
some decidedly un-Patriotic non-Americans. It took our founding
fathers a hell of a lot longer to write the Constitution than it
took Bush, Ashcroft and Haliburton, I mean Cheney, to "un write"
it. But, there I go digressing again.

Since we've become a "sound bite" society, let me save you the
trouble of reading all 131 pages of "Constitution II, the
Sequel" AKA the Patriot Act.

Here's what is says in summary:

"There are lots of bad guys in the world and we just found out
that they existed on September 11, 2001. Some of those bad guys
live here in the U.S.A. Some of those bad guys might even be
YOU. In order to protect "US" from "YOU", we're going to check
up on YOU, from time to time, to make sure that YOU aren't
doing things that YOU shouldn't be in an attempt to hurt US".

"Further, if we even suspect that YOU might be doing bad things
to US, then we might haul you away in the middle on the night
and hold you, without charges, for as long as we feel like it
and you can't talk to a lawyer because YOU might be a terrorist
and terrorists don't have any rights".

It goes on to say...

"In an attempt to avoid accidentally confusing Patriotic
Americans with Unpatriotic Americans, we're going to appoint a
neutral third party, the FBI, to monitor your e-mail, medical
records, library accounts, video store rentals, internet
activity, land line and cell phone conversations, bank and
credit card records, and whatever the hell else we think is
appropriate, all without probable cause. And, if you complain
about it, then YOU must have something to be afraid of and
that "something" just might be that you're unpatriotic".

So, there you go. Just print out this article, add "I Agree"
and sign it so you too can be a Patriotic American.

However, if you REALLY want to be a Patriotic American then
you should also join the Army and go to Iran so you can help
liberate their citizens from a repressive regime that monitored
and controlled their every movement, hauled their citizens away
in the middle of the night without charges, and held them for
as long as they wanted. But then, there I go digressing again.