A Spend Thrift Couple What can you do?

I alsorecently realize, we aren’t out of debt on credit cards because we really don’t want to pay all the money to make it happen! We have been on a debt payoff plan for more than a year but never follow through because it’s so painful to pay our bills when it seems like we are just giving money away. We’ve made all kinds of budgets and set all kinds of goals but still unable to get out of debt and also don’t have any money for rainy days. We fight about it a lot and it has become a real source of conflict for us. We both want to save money, but one bad deed keeps leading to another. How can we stick to our budget and stay motivated to our saving plans?

Yours,
Over spender

Dear Over spender,

What a frustrating and sad situation. Not only you are struggling financially, you’re blaming each other when you should blame your plan. One of our greatest challenges is changing the way we think about money. We must realize that spending money crowds our life rather than enhancing it. Go on “no shopping spree” and take not spending money as a reward. Keep reminding yourself that “a penny saved is a penny earned.” When you eliminate expenses, think of it as getting a raise because it means you have more money in the bank. Changing the way we think makes all the difference.

Create a new budget and identify expenses you can eliminate. You can reduce your transportation costs by considering selling your “fun car” or trading in for a less expensive car. Downsizing a car will reduce insurance, gas, repairs and save more than your car payments. Reduce monthly payments by cancelling or switching from services like digital cable TV, prepaid cell phone services, and magazine or newspaper subscriptions. Cut up or cancel credit cards. 

Sometimes we enable each other’s bad habits by allowing the other person to alter the budget. Talk about your finances and spending with your husband honestly and respectfully. You can hold each other accountable if one of two spends more than Rs. 2000 without a purchase plan. Research shows that changing habits almost always involves engaging the help of at least two trusted friends. So, you can encourage your friends, siblings and colleagues for their financial fitness. This will help you to change your behavior and stick to your financial plans.

To change your behavior, reverse your thinking by focusing on the long-term rewards instead of short-term gratification. Give importance to your retirement plans over grand fun parties. You can also increase your income by considering a job or renting out a room in your house and fix that money for future needs.

In order to take control of your spending, control your environment. Here are three questions to help you: Do you longingly browse shopping pages on the internet? Is shopping a social event? Do you buy with Cash? Checks? Credit cards? Identify one dozen different influences that both motivate and enable you to spend more than you should. Soon, you’ll realize the problem is not that the two of you are weak but blind and outnumbered. You’re blind to the many sources that are shaping your choices. Create positive influences that will keep saving top of mind, make it easier, and help you feel rewarded for following through. Change your home page, toss out magazines and catalogs or other “triggers” of spending impulses. Make tempting locations “out of bounds” means, stop going to particular stores or malls, stop visiting online retailers. Find other inexpensive activities to enjoy the company of friends other than shopping. Never shop without an actual shopping list and never buy items that aren’t on the list. You might try carrying cash with you for six months. You’ll find this one physical change will profoundly affect your choices. You can maintain control by tracking your purchases in a spreadsheet and review it regularly. It helps you identify exactly where your money is going and where you can cut back. Make no mistake, shopping generates dopamine in the same pleasure centers of the brain that cocaine does. You’re fighting a pleasure-driven habit and your best defense will be to minimize the temptations.

Motivation works better when you focus on the future, on where you want to get. Here are a few ideas: Select a very specific debt-reduction target. Make it as detailed as possible. For example: pay off my highest-rate credit card, pay off my car, and then dedicate your savings to that goal alone. Go for a very specific purchase when you need that your debt-reduction target allows you and make it mandatory like dental work, tires. This target will be your North Star, a motivator and a guide when your mood is dark. Think deeply about what will happen if you don’t make your savings goal, if you can’t get your dental care or new tires, or if you can’t afford medical care for your loved ones. Write down your saving and spending plan and note why it is important to you. Have every family member sign it, then keep copies you can see and read when you feel tempted to overspend.

Make your saving plan a game for you. Set a weekly goal. Perhaps you could decide on a set figure to pay toward a credit card. Establish clear rules which can be different each week. For example, “This week our payment has to come from our food budget. Next week it has to come from saved money, and then it has to come from new money one of us will earn. Use cooperation or competition. For example, “This week, we’ll cooperate to jointly achieve our goal. Next week, we’ll compete to see who can reach their part of the goal first.” Give feedback and make a big chart that shows your progress. Create magnificent, but free, prizes like paper crowns and towel capes for the Sultan of Savings. Celebrate your very real achievements by writing notes to each other and putting them into a scrapbook. 

These are a few ideas to try. There are numerous sources of influence working against you and until you recognize and reverse them, you’ll continue behaving in a way you don’t want. I encourage you to select, modify, or invent what works for you.

Your sincerely,

Dr. Sadaqat Ali