When Loved Ones Get Sick

We all know how awful it is to feel sick. That empathy goes a long way in the job of wife and mother. When one of our babies feels sick, whether the ones we birthed or the one we married, we feel obligated to nurse them to health. The trick is learning to care for our loved ones in a way that is emotionally healthy for everyone involved.
We all know a woman whose sense of self is tied in with the nurturing she does. I think we all identify with this in some way or to some extent. But it is important to remain aware of this, because it can easily get away from us. If in caring for our spouse or children we become worn down and feel unappreciated it can become a major problem. This makes it important to know your personal limit of how much you can do before it becomes too much. Remember that you can only be the nurturer you see yourself as if you are rested and healthy yourself.
As we learn our limits and how to stay within them, we become better nurturers. This means that if you're struggling with the guilty feelings that haunt women you need to remind yourself that what really matters is the quality of the care you're giving. The people you love know that you genuinely love them, and they appreciate even the offer of crackers or soup. They do not want you to run yourself ragged either. When you remember what is important you are able to see that you still are a nurturer even when you keep yourself in mind. In fact, I'm convinced that pampering yourself can make you even better at caring for those that need you.
I find that the children are the easiest to care for. Sometimes it can feel like children can ask for more continuous attention, but in reality they just want you close by. If they can see or hear you, it is often enough. The medicine, blankets, humidifier, etc. are only half of the healing. For these children to feel better they need the emotional security of knowing that Mommy is nearby. So grab the book you've been trying to make time for and sit on the couch next to your sick child. That way you can take care of both of you at the same time.
The emotional needs of a spouse can be more complicated. For many men being a provider is what is most important to them. This makes the role of caring for them when they are sick be a balancing act. Although not always easy, it is possible to nurture an ill man to health without him feeling useless, lazy, and infantilized. Assuming that your husband is a responsible, hard-working man you can remind him that missing one day periodically is acceptable.  As long as he rests for this one day he can go back to work tomorrow. Once he accepts that he will be missing this day of work and staying home to rest it gets a little bit easier.
Although a grown man, your husband probably doesn't know how to take care of a cold or the flu. You may have to tell him what needs to happen for him to get better. If he's sick and engaging in behavior that will exacerbate the situation (i.e. drinking milk with a cold or the flu) it is important to be conscious of his sensitivity when redirecting him. Do not reprimand him or tell him what he needs to do. Planting a seed of knowledge is often far more effective. He'll be far more likely to hear you if you tell him you heard from a friend that drinking that milk is going to make you sicker because it increases mucous production. He may still decide to drink it. Accepting that he gets to make those decisions is important. You want to take care of him, not argue over a glass of milk. Caring for an adult is very much about judging the situation to know where the boundaries lie.
As a wife and mother I know the balancing act that is caring for sick family members. I am learning to care for myself in order to care for others. Over time, it gets easier to keep everyone's needs in mind. When I am able to remain aware of what's best for us all, balance becomes the norm instead of the struggle it was.