Why Won’t He Listen!

You act or react to people based on how you perceive them. Those perceptions are influenced by your perceptual styles: Audio, Feeler, Visual, and Wholistic. The style with the highest score influences how you listen and communicate the most.
For instance, when you speak to an Audio, you need to collect your thoughts so you can get to the point as quickly as possible. If you ramble, he will tune you out or interrupt you by asking you to get to the point.
When you speak to a Visual, you need to show him what you are talking about or speak in descriptive terms so he can visualize what you are talking about. He needs to visualize each step or part of the picture you are describing to understand. If you bombard him with too much information upfront, he will give you a blank stare because it put him on information overload, leading to frustration for both you and him.
When you speak to a Feeler, it’s your tone of voice that he hears and remembers. If you start accusing him that he never listens, he will immediately feel uncomfortable because he wants to please you and obviously you are displeased. He might not listen because you are an Audio who can easily blurt out your feelings, often loudly or maybe in a sarcastic voice. The loudness or tone of voice intimidates the Feeler so he may withdraw with hurt feelings.
When you speak to a Wholistic, it’s best to get to the point quickly or he might cut you off and finish your sentence because he thinks he knows what you are going to say. Often he’s right but when he’s not, you need to explain that, no, that wasn’t what you were going to say and to please not interrupt.
What are your and his styles? In the following table, rank each of the perceptual styles from 1 – 5 for each “action” area. For instance, if the description for Wholistic describes you the most, enter a “5” in the “Me” box. If the Audio description fits you the least, enter a “1” in that box and so forth. Then rank each of the Four Perceptions as to how you perceive they describe him.

ActionsMeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim
How you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
Communicate:In direct manner with few details. Get to the bottom line. May inter-rupt with “and the point is…?”Through touching. Describe feelings involved. Need details explained – don’t want to make a mistake.With expressive eyes. Prefer “show” over “tell.” Speak in descriptive detail. Like to talk, act out stories.Persuasively. Think out loud–talk to your-self. May interrupt a person and finish the sentence.
How you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
See and listen:Through your ears. Can concentrate better if you turn your ear toward the speaker and take notes.Through your feelings. Absorb feelings behind words. What they say is not as important as how they say it. With your eyes–eye contact important. No-tice “what’s wrong” with the picture or scene. Can hear/feel/see what others are expressing. Quickly perceive the whole picture–may jump to conclusions.
How you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
Learn:By thinking through ideas and facts until you understand. By doing and practicing until it’s done correctly.By looking at illustra-tions, step-by-step pic-tures, demonstrations.By identifying the “gist” of something, then trying it out.
How you…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
Approach sex and romance:Foreplay not very important. May lack passion, sex may be mostly mechanical. Afterward, might ask if it was “good.” Foreplay is everything: cuddling, flirting, laughter, gentle wordsWant to feel cherishedA sharp, ugly word will ruin it.Setting the scene, romantic foreplay, may be more important than the final act. It’s “making love” rather than just sex.Creative, passionate lovers. Like to be flexible, according to the mood. Like spontaneous sex
ReactionsMeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim
Your initial…Audio FeelerVisualWholistic
You’re your hot button is pushed, your initial reaction is driven by:ANGER: shown asimpatience, sarcasm, explosive temper, take suggestions as criti-cisms, exert pressure but can’t take it–“get off my back.”INDIGNATION: get stuck emotionally – can’t let go, martyr, vacillate between blaming others and feeling guilty, feel unappreciated, cry.FRUSTRATION: feel justified to point out faults of others if dis-appointed, easily hurt by criticism, self-critical–withdraw, use the “silent treatment.”RESENTMENT: be-come moody, irritable, impose your opinion, meddlesome/manipu-lative, point out other’s defects to justify your own behavior.
MeHimMeHimMeHimMeHim
Total Scores:Audio FeelerVisualWholistic

The highest score is your primary perception, which has the strongest influence on how you respond to other people’s actions or reactions. If you want him to listen, change how you approach him based on his style.
Finally, to get him to remember what you tell him, it needs to be important to him – how does this information affect him? If it’s simply information, he might not remember to pick up the laundry. But if it’s the suit he is going to wear to the party that night, be sure to express that. Otherwise, he needs reminder notes just like we do.