Dealing with Disappointment

The anticipation began months ago when I first heard the news.  To celebrate the 150th Indiana State Fair and continue the tradition of educating the general public about agriculture, a tractor parade was planned from downtown Indianapolis to the State Fairgrounds.  The plan gave me goose bumps – 150 tractors (later reduced to 92 to represent each county in the state) parked at the center of downtown on display on Monument Circle, then parading the more than 5 miles back to the Fair!

I immediately marked August 16th on my calendar, hoping my tractor would be selected.  As time grew closer I learned that my tractor would be involved and the details started coming my way – when we had to get our tractors there, how the process would work, what was required of each driver, etc.  While each new piece of information gave me new logistics to consider and plan, it also raised my excitement level. 

I watched the weather and learned we were going to have a perfect day.  My wife planned to come down for lunch, take some pictures and participate before we began the parade back to the Fair.  In my mind, it was playing out as a nearly perfect day.

The day began early with everyone gathered in a downtown parking lot about 5 a.m. to drive our tractors to the center of town for display. Signs were hung on every tractor giving the owner’s name, location, and model and age of the tractor.  I got on my 1939 Farmall BN (that has been restored to an unfamiliar Black and Gold to celebrate my alma mater Purdue University), and it wouldn’t start. 

My heart sank.

After a quick tow by another driver, the tractor started and ran great on the several block drive to the center of town.  All morning as I talked to passers by and discussed the situation with other drivers I hoped the tractor would start for the real parade.  I tried to start it a couple of times during the morning and nothing happened – there was clearly some sort of electrical malfunction.  I hung on the hope that with another quick tow as we left our display location it would start as it had earlier in the morning.

We set up a tow rope with another tractor and had a person standing by to unhook the rope when the tractor started so we wouldn’t hold up the parade.

But it didn’t start.

So on my five mile drive to the Fairgrounds, the once-in-a-lifetime drive I had anticipated for months, I was towed by another tractor.

It was a lesson in humility and disappointment.

Over the course of that “drive” – and in the hours after – I thought about my day and what lessons I had learned. I was reminded of the importance of humility, but, more than that, I thought about the disappointments we all face and how we can best deal with them.

I’m guessing you’ve never considered, much less desired, owning an antique tractor or parading it on metropolitan streets, but I’m sure you’ve experienced disappointment.  You’ve been disappointed by a situation or an outcome.  You’ve been disappointed by a new job, the results of a project, or by a person whose work didn’t meet your expectations.

Dealing with It

Here are some steps we all can take to deal with disappointment more productively and successfully.

Get over yourself. The biggest obstacle you may need to get past is yourself.  In my case the tractor didn’t care about my big day.  Things happen. The sooner we get the focus off of ourselves – ending our mental pity party – and onto the situation at hand, the better off we will be.

Get a revised plan.  The disappointment of poor profitability or poor initial quality or any sort of undesirable result likely means you need a new plan to move forward or to prevent your disappointment from occurring again.  Use the energy of your disappointment to create a new and improved plan.

Get all you can.  Chances are your disappointment isn’t the complete picture.  Don’t throw away the good in the situation by focusing only on the bad.  In my case I still was able to share my tractor, talk about American Agriculture, enjoy a great day and participate in the parade.  If I let my disappointment over-run me, I wouldn’t have recognized all of the value that was there.  The same will be true for you.

Get past it.  At some point (probably sooner than later) you need to let it go.  Stop thinking and worrying about it.  Let it go and move on. Making light of the situation may help too.  I told people on the parade route and afterwards that we were conserving gas by towing my tractor!

Get focused on learning. Disappointments will come; and once they have arrived, it is too late to prevent them.  The previous suggestions are all about dealing with the disappointment in the moment.  This suggestion focuses on getting proactive for the next time.  Ask yourself questions like:  What could I have done differently?  What would have prevented this situation?  Why was I so disappointed?  What would I do differently next time?   These are valuable learning questions.

My tractor still sits proudly at the Fairgrounds the next day.  I’ll replace the battery and check some other things, and hopefully it will be ready to go in one more parade before we take it for further electrical repair.  Each time I drive this tractor in a crowd, I’ll remember “driving” it in silence through downtown Indianapolis and across the Fairground.  But I’ll remember the lessons more than the disappointment – because I used the suggestions I’ve shared with you. These five suggestions will help you deal with your next disappointment – whether it is in your professional or personal life – more effectively and productively. 

So here’s to disappointments – and the learning we can gain from them!