When to Divorce a Narcissistic Man -- The Fastest Divorce is Never the Easiest Divorce

Jun 23 08:31 2010 Joy Marcellin Print This Article


"How will I know when to divorce and finally find freedom for myself and the kids?" you ask yourself again and again.  "How can I get this nightmare behind me and just get the fastest divorce possible?"Hardly a day passes that you do not agonize over how and when to divorce your narcissistic man.  His patronizing ways and his power plays leave you feeling like a prisoner in the marriage. What is most disturbing is that he seems to strengthened by conflict,Guest Posting while you feel exhausted and frustrated after every verbal sparring match with him.Have I sketched your situation?  If so (and I'm so sorry that it IS so), then you are experienced and intelligent enough to know that your escape from this marriage will take all of the strength you can muster. When to divorce? What's the fastest divorce? What's the easiest divorce? Well, no easy answers, I'm afraid--but one thing you won't hear in this article is, "Just go with your gut and get the fastest divorce you can." (Note:  If there is physical abuse, that is a different matter entirely.  Seek help, and get out!)Below I have listed 5 golden bits of wisdom.  The basic theme here is "The fastest divorce is, in the long run, never the easiest divorce."  This may be very different advice from what your sympathetic girlfriends offer you.  But my goal is not to sympathize--my goal here is to help nudge you toward a better life. If you are considering when to divorce an emotionally abusive man, read and consider carefully.  This advice that may just change your life and help you win genuine freedom.1. Keep your plans secret.  Let no one know you are planning when to divorce your husband.It's hard--but you must maintain secrecy during this time. Whatever you share with friends and family may find its way back to your husband.  If it does, your necessary preparation time will be lost--and the head-on conflict will have begun. Keep in mind also that anyone you confide in may be summoned for court testimony. The easiest divorce is the secretly plotted divorce.2. Be the perfect little wife. The woman who's too busy adoring her husband to think about when to divorce him.Yes, this is both difficult and dishonest, I know. But listen to the reasoning behind my advice. if your husband is emotionally abusive, you need two things from him while you plan. First, you require a fairly peaceful existence as you figure out when to divorce him. Second, you need freedom from close scrutiny. Placate the guy--it will keep you on track in planning how and when to divorce.  The easiest divorce is the well planned divorce.3.Know your finances.Know what you have, and know what you owe--and be sure you can access every single account. When to divorce?  Not before you've got a handle on what you net worth is. Put it all on a spreadsheet, and do NOT title it "When to Divorce." Give it a sweet homemaker title like, "grocery list template." The easiest divorce is the spreadsheet-documented divorce.4. If you're a stay-at-home mom, DON'T get a job now  "What!" you exclaim? "You're coaching me on when to divorce, and you're advising me to stay unemployed?!" Yes, I am--and so will any attorney worth her salt. It will work against you in the spousal support calculations. The easiest divorce is the high-spousal-support divorce.5. Begin stashing cash secretly--a little every month.Even if you remain unsure about when to divorce, you can be quite certain that you will need cash. Lots of it. There are a hundred ways to do this if you are patient and resourceful. The easiest divorce is, ultimately, the one where you do not have to go begging friends and family for money while you wait for the property settlement.When to divorce is a grueling and very personal decision. Neither the easiest divorce nor the fastest divorce benefits you in the long run.  Only a well thought out, painstakingly planned divorce will launch you smoothly into the rest of your life.  This one brief article is limited a space for me to address all the important considerations in deciding when to divorce.  However, if you want more information to help you determine when to divorce an emotionally abusive man, visit http://squidoo.com/when-to-divorce. You can also access an ebook on when to divorce that proved to be a valuable resource to me during my own planning process. 

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About Article Author

Joy Marcellin
Joy Marcellin

Joy Marcellin, a mother of four, divorced her emotionally abusive husband after 20 years of marriage. She created an effective pre-divorce plan in secret a year before she actually left--and she followed it carefully. As a result, Joy was able to protect herself and her children financially and legally.  She is now financially independent and operating a successful business from home.

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