Online Dating - Staying Safe (part2)

When you do decide to meet someone, meet somewhere where other people congregate; meet in a familiar setting; maybe take a friend along with you. If you go on your own, make sure someone else (your flat mate, friend, mum...) knows where you are and what time to either expect you back or to expect a phone call. Also make sure that they have the name, address and phone number of the person you will be meeting. The safest time to meet is during the day.

Make your own way to and from the date or get a lift with a friend, so the person you are meeting does not have details of your home address. Do not accept a lift home with them nor invite them to your house. If you don't like the person, don't feel obliged to stay with them for an entire date. Have a pre-prepared excuse made for leaving the date early should you need to.

Some people do a good job at hiding their true agenda. Early dates (and meetings) are for people to be on their best behavior, so you may not always see the "real self" behind the person you're with. Watch out for:

*People who avoid answering questions directly, they are either a politician or have something to hide. Eventually they need to get around to answering the question or explain why they feel uncomfortable doing so.

*How your match treats others can be a telling sign into their future behaviors.

*Inconsistent information about any basics, especially anything within their profile. This especially includes marital status, children, employment, where they are living, but also things such as age, appearance, education, career or the like.

*People who do not resemble the way they describe themselves in their online profile.

*Physically inappropriate or unwanted behavior (e.g., touching, kissing).

*People who want to meet in person very soon after contact.

*Avoids phone contact.

Don't allow yourself to be pressurised and don't feel obliged to do anything that you don't want to do. Don't be taken in by sob stories and be wary of people who are after your sympathy. Use your common sense and instincts to spot anyone who's going to be trouble and make a quick getaway. Only make arrangements for a second date if you are sure that this is what you want to do.

You could even consider carrying personal alarm and be confident in using it to shock an attacker, giving you the opportunity to escape.

Inevitably, some online dating is going to lead to a sexual relationship. Know your partners' sexual background by asking direct, frank questions about the number of partners they have had, whether protection was always used, how well they knew the people (was it mostly serious relationships or just one night stands?) and whether they have any known sexually transmitted diseases. It's not easy to talk about these sorts of things, but it's important to do so before your first night in bed. When in doubt, definitely use a condom.

Finally, please be realistic. As in dating/friendships made in bars and clubs, most will not work out. Also, remember the geographical aspects. Travelling a couple of times to meet up is probably fun and a little exciting. Imagine though doing the journey frequently and could make a relationship difficult. If you are really not prepared to travel, avoid arranging to meet someone who lives a long way from you. This information is given in good faith and is intended for information only - we cannot accept any responsibility for your safety if you use a dating service online - you make your own decisions and must accept responsibility for them yourself.