Mean What You Say - Say It Only Once

Have you ever heard yourself saying this to your kids "If you two don't quit fighting now, I'm going to have to....." It's my sincere wish that you do NOT have this habit set up between you and your children. Because if you do, it's stirring up a lot of unnecessary emotion and you'll need to break that bad habit. You'll have to put a new habit in it's place of meaning what you say, because idle threats don't work.

Let's talk about the word discipline. I know that word makes the hair go up on the back of the necks of some of you, and hopefully, by discussing it we can take that bugaboo you have about it away, because discipline is a good thing.

Which one of these definitions gets your attention the most:

* the act of punishing

* the trait of being well-behaved

* a system of rules of conduct

* punish in order to gain control or enforce obedience

* train by instruction and practice; especially to teach self-control

I love Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary because it includes ideas from the past where I think morality and governance was not view through the liberal lens it is today. Here is what 1828 Noah uses as a definition:

*To instruct or educate; to inform the mind; to prepare by instructing in correct principles and habits; as, to discipline youth for a profession, or for future usefulness.

There are three key elements to discipline: 1) explain what the rules are. 2) Expect that the rules will be followed. 3) Explain the consequences that follow non-compliance of the rules. It's wise to establish the rules through a discussion with them. It's a great idea to let them name the consequences for their non-conformity. However, if they do not, that does not mean that you don't have to. One of the most wonderful gifts you can give your children is consistent discipline. Children love consistency and consistency takes work on your part.

You can totally destroy your loving discipline system - the one you view as "education" -?) of your children is to make threats that you have no way to follow through on. I was once angry at something one of my daughters had done outside the boundary of my rules, and I told her "Okay, you're grounded for 35 years!" We both started to laugh, because there was no way I could enforce that, but it did let her know how angry I was at her stepping outside the boundary.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Only say it once.

Just memorize those three sentences and by burning them into your mind, you'll save yourself long hours of unnecessary repetition and enforcement. If you want them at the table now, say what you mean; mean what you say; say it once; be ready to enforce a consequence. You'll only have to do this a few times and your children will get the picture fast. It will be much more harmonious for all of you if you can learn this loving skill and give up emotionally blasting threats..