The Silly Essay

I thought it would be fun to set down some of the random, silly thoughts I’ve been pondering over the last several weeks. In this time of geopolitical intenseness, I figure if I need a “silly” break than so do others.
I’ve been wondering what life would be like if candy bar companies also made condoms. I guess it would bring a whole new marketing strategy to the names snickers and whatchamacallit. I was also thinking that Trojan should diversify into the security business seeing as they are already 97 % effective.
I spent some time thinking about what the political campaigns might be like if their slogans were created by personal hygiene product companies. For instance you might hear something like, “Summer’s Bush, when you’re having that not-so-Kerry feeling” or “Try preparation-K to alleviate that irritable Bush and Cheney sensation”.
I’ve been wondering about the practice of denouncing your opponent’s military records during the presidential campaign. What would they fight about if neither of them had or allegedly had military records? I envision a campaign in which not listening to enough country music is equated with being unpatriotic and being indicative of poor leadership qualities.
I’ve always wanted to see the Olympics return to their original format. Athletes participated without clothing. The Olympic sponsors might be Trojan and Viagra. Their slogan could be “Nudity Promotes Unity”. They probably wouldn’t be able to make the same change for the Winter Olympics. I’m thinking “luge catastrophe”.
Finally, given the casualness of sex in today’s society, I’ve often wondered if the surgeon general shouldn’t require a warning label on individual condoms, “Caution contents could be harmful to the rest of your life”; “do not dispense contents while under the influence of alcohol, illegal drugs, immaturity, or stupid”. And finally my favorite, “Contents not appropriate for those without brains.”
So what’s the point of a silly little essay like this? It is to be silly and make an attempt to find some humor in a world that tends to be too intense or serious. The anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy is about one week away and we will be reminded of a terrible loss of life and of our own vulnerability. After honoring those who have passed away and saluting our country we’ll need some levity to balance things out. Don’t be afraid to be a little silly, it’s healthy.