Navigating the Journey of a 17-Year Marriage

The Foundation of a Lasting Marriage

When I first penned my thoughts on marriage, I had been in the union for 14 years. Today, I am proud to say that my husband and I have reached the 17-year milestone. It's a surreal feeling, especially considering the prevalence of divorce in my family background. My husband's parents, who are approaching their 53rd anniversary, have been a beacon of commitment, while my own family has struggled with maintaining marital bonds. Initially, I was so concerned about the potential for divorce that I retained my maiden name alongside my married name for the first six months of our marriage.

However, as the years passed, my fears subsided, especially after celebrating our fifth anniversary and renewing our vows. It was a poignant moment when my mother acknowledged our success in breaking the family pattern, expressing her pride and hope that my sister would find a similar love and partnership.

Key Ingredients to Our Marital Success

Reflecting on our 17-year journey, I've identified several reasons that have contributed to the longevity of our marriage:

1. Commitment to Overcome Challenges: We vowed to face life's difficulties together, no matter how daunting.
2. Equality in Decision-Making: We removed "obey" from our vows, emphasizing our partnership rather than ownership.
3. The Power of Apology: We make it a point to apologize, even when it's difficult, recognizing the importance of reconciliation.
4. Mutual Respect and Admiration: We speak highly of each other, reinforcing the reasons we fell in love.
5. Dealing with Baggage: We acknowledge our individual pasts and work through them as a team.
6. Active Listening: We strive to truly hear each other, even when the subject matter isn't the most exciting.
7. Humor: We've learned to laugh at ourselves and each other, keeping the mood light.
8. Avoiding Intentional Hurt: We are careful not to cause each other pain.
9. Confiding in Trusted Friends: We vent to friends who respect our privacy and don't judge our spouse.
10. Vulnerability: We've learned to let our guard down with each other.
11. Trust: We work diligently to maintain and honor the trust between us.
12. Faith: We believe that our union was meant to be.
13. Frequent Reminders of Love: We often express our love for each other.
14. Understanding the Work Involved: We recognize that marriage requires effort and are committed to doing our part.

The Realities of Long-Term Marriage

In our 17 years together, we've come to understand that marriage is not a fairy tale. It's more akin to a roller coaster, with its highs and lows. To keep the spark alive, we incorporate quality time, romance, and a generous dose of forgiveness. We forgive the small irritations and the minor wrongs, focusing on what truly matters in the grand scheme of our lives together.

According to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce (APA). However, the divorce rate is not uniform across all groups and tends to be lower among those with higher education and income levels. Moreover, a study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that the divorce rate has been declining over the past few decades, particularly among younger couples (NCFMR).

In conclusion, a successful marriage is not without its challenges, but with the right mindset and strategies, it is possible to create a lasting and loving partnership. It's about working together, supporting each other, and never losing sight of the love that brought you together in the first place.