How To Be A Truly Attractive Man Or Woman And Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Partner

Oct 10 08:06 2008 Jack Ito PhD Print This Article

Does your partner want a handsome man or a beautiful woman?  Or are they wanting you to be more attractive?  Working on your attractiveness can strengthen all of your relationships and improve your marriage.  This article will give you four things you can do today to get started.

What is an attractive man or woman?  Is it someone who has beautiful skin,Guest Posting a nice body, or a fascinating mind?  Those things are great to be sure, but helpful as they may be for meeting someone, they will not have any power for keeping someone.  That's right, even the most beautiful and intelligent people in the world lose their partners every day.  If hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on personal training and beauty products doesn't work for them, do you think they would work for you any better? 

I'd like to tell you about one of the most attractive people I know.  He must be attractive because people young and old want to spend time with him, including his wife, children, grandchildren, students, friends, and even strangers.  His name is Paul Holland.  He is a psychologist and a pastor.  He has the figure of Santa Claus, an uncoordinated walk, wears heavy rimmed glasses, has thinning gray hair, and if his tie matches his jacket it's probably an accident.  But, If you could bottle what he has, everyone would like to buy some. 

When I was new to the practice of psychology, I had the good fortune to be mentored by Dr. Holland.  I soon learned what made him so attractive to seemingly everyone. Although he has two PhD's, most people don't know that and he never tries to impress people with it.  He never tries to compensate for what he lacks in appearance by trying to appear to be more intelligent than others.  Read on to find out how this man attracts so many people and how you can too.

In his mentoring, the amazing thing that I learned about this man was that although he had an impoverished background and many personal losses, he is a positive person.  He has an infectious laugh that can be heard far down a hallway and a way of listening that shows you that he really cares.

He taught me that although books are a great source of information and although it is very handy to have the right tool for the right situation (his hobby had been working on ham radios), it is the human element that attracts one human being to another.  The human element must be developed for it cannot be learned from a book. 

Being an attractive person is important for our most intimate relationships.  Being attractive to our kids means that they want to spend time with us.  Being attractive to our partner means the same thing.  In fact, that is true for friends and strangers as well.  The best way to define your attractiveness is by how much other people want to be with you, particularly those who know you.

If you are seeking to make yourself more attractive to other people, the most important thing will not be your clothes (although neat is better), your body (though smell is important), your hair (though clean is better), or your face (although a genuine smile is a must).  Regardless of your physique, you have the potential in you to become more attractive than Miss America or Mr. Universe.  There are many men and women who would gladly trade their physically handsome man or beautiful woman for a truly attractive person (one who they want to be with because of how good they make them feel).

You can become more attractive regardless of the type of relationship you are in, regardless of your appearance, regardless of how much money you have, and regardless of how smart you are.  But to do it, you need to take specific actions.  Specific actions bring specific results.  Are you taking the actions that are bringing the results that you want?  You can start now, and I will help you.

Here are a few methods you can start using at home, at work, at the grocery store, and wherever you are.  If, that is, you really want to become one of the most attractive people in your town.  (Even if you just became more attractive to your partner, though, wouldn't it be worth it?).

1.  LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN WHAT YOU JUST DID--Did you just teach a lesson?  What did you do well?  What would you like to do again next time? What did you just do well at dinner, with greeting your partner, or at work?  Carry an index card in your pocket with this question, "What did I just do well?"  Pull it out and answer it throughout the course of the day.  Do not put the card back in your pocket before answering the question.

2. LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN WHAT YOU HAVE DONE BEFORE--What was my best quality as a child?  Was I hard working?  Honest?  Friendly?  Funny?  Helpful?  Write it down on a piece of paper--"My best quality as a child was..."  Can you let that part out of yourself more often?  The child part of ourselves often is the most attractive part.

3. LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN OTHER PEOPLE--At a bus stop, can you find something you like about each person?  What do you like about what your partner, your kids, or your dog did today?  Can you let them know about it?  How good can you get at spotting good things that people do?  Make it a game or personal challenge.  You get one point for noticing and five points for telling them about it.  Keep track of your score on an index card and transfer it to a calendar at the end of each day.  Have a contest with a friend.

4. LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN WHAT YOUR PARTNER DID IN THE PAST--People tire easily of hearing bad things about themselves, but you can tell them the same good things over and over.  When you tell someone something good about what they have done.  Keep a running list of what you appreciate about your partner.  Nothing is too small to go on this list.

Do you see common themes in these recommendations?  There are at least three: 1) look for the good 2) don't look for the bad (ignore it, overlook it, bite your tongue), and 3) write it down.  An index card is one of the most powerful tools for personal change.  Memory is one of the worst.  If you rely on your memory alone, you are unlikely to change.  Good intentions without good actions will only fool yourself.  Write it down.

There is nothing phony about this method of change.  You don't need to act and you don't need to try to impress anyone.  I want to personally challenge you to get a score of 100 points for item #3 in the next week.  Can you do it?*  Can you start to become more attractive this week?  These are only a few of many powerful ways you can change your life and your relationships.

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About Article Author

Jack Ito PhD
Jack Ito PhD

Jack Ito PhD is a psychologist and relationship coach. He is a member of the International Coach Federation and since 1994 he has helped more than one thousand men and women to have better relationships.  Coach Jack specializes in helping to build better relationships even when one partner is refusing to change, get help, or to work with their partner.

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