We all know the classic amusing explanation of why you should not assume, because it makes an "A* * of U and Me", but assumptions can be much more serious.
An assumption can make way for hurt feelings, misconceptions, and resentments. When we make assumptions we completely de-emphasize another person's feelings for the sake of filling in the blanks that exist in our own minds.
Why do we make assumptions? Assumptions occur when we do not have a clear picture of what the other person is trying to say, or when we do not understand their actions. How can we eliminate the need to make assumptions? The answer is, by fully listening and asking questions. The average person does not "fully" listen when they are being spoken to. They are thinking of what they want to say next, what must be done, the task that they were performing before the person interrupted them, or a multitude of other things. But the fact remains, that they are not fully engaged in a conversation. I'm going to use a classic cliché. The husband is watching a football game on television; his wife walks in and decides to hold a conversation with him. He "Yes Dear's" her, but in reality his attention is on the game and he has not heard a single word she has said. She realizes that he is not paying her any attention and walks away upset. He was clearly NOT fully engaged in their conversation. He could have asked her nicely to speak with him after the game, he also could have taken his attention away from the game by turning it off for the duration of their conversation, or his wife could have waited to approach him until after the game. Any of these solutions would have helped them avoid hurt feelings.
Why are questions important? Questions allow us to eliminate the assumptions. But if we are not fully listening, we will not know the right questions to ask. Questions help clear up any miscommunication. With all of our differences, it is no wonder that what we mean and what we say may not be what someone else hears. A simple, "Do you mean...?" could help a great deal. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Questions let others know that we really were paying attention while they were speaking. Everyone likes to feel as though they are being valued. One little question could make all the difference in someone's day.
4 Tips for a Fully Engaged Conversation Free from Assumptions:
This week, take note of your conversations and see how well you fully listen. Make it a point to only listen when you can be fully engaged, and re-schedule conversations if you have to. Determine if you are asking enough questions to overcome the natural need within to make assumptions. Your conversations will have much more meaning to both participants. You will have all of the information necessary to offer help or advice, and the person that you are conversing with will feel that they were important enough to you to have your full attention. It will be a mutually enlightened conversation.
You have to Believe It to See It!
Do you find much fault in the statement ‘You create your own reality’? If so, you’re not in the minority. Many find it absolutely ludicrous that anyone could presume that they’ve created massive debt, a broken home, a thankless job, or unemployment. But a little exploration will often uncover just the opposite.
Your Best is ALWAYS Good Enough!
Do you remember that inner voice? You know - the one that we have to put a muzzle on, and train? The one that says that "we can do better", what we did was "not good enough", and even "you're a failure".
What's Your State of Mind?
I suppose that you would question me if I affirmed that there is enough abundance to go around - right? Why is that? Is it because we have been conditioned to believe that only a select few will reach the personal and financial goals that they aspire to?
